How about them apples?

The countdown ensues. I have 11 days until the movers come and 17 days until I physically leave for the sunshine (otherwise known as plywood) state. I am excited and nervous and a little bit afraid of the oncoming weeks. It's hard to imagine such a drastic change in your life. Perhaps it will be fine and no one will be the wiser. Although I have the sinking suspicion that it is going to be the toughest thing I have had to do in my 26 years of existence. Many people have their own opinions as to what they think happened, but in truth, only two people know what is was exactly. You can only explain so much. Even with all of the explaining, you can never describe the feelings you have in the pit of your stomach. (I say, in your stomach, because that is where my heart currently resides.) It is an everyday reminder that these fluid emotions are travelers of the body and mind. And sometimes, we can not help where these nomads will dwell next. On a good day I will feel blessed to know that I have friends and family out there who support me and will hold my hand as my wounds heal. The bad days, on the other hand, are just that. On those days I feel empty, hollow. Those are the days where my mind will not rest and my heart feels as though it will stop beating. I know those days are temporary, but they still exist and they make me feel weak. I am not alone, yet I am lonely. Yes, the countdown ensues and I, the keeper of that time, am petrified.

Bordom

In class and bored out of my mind. We have been working on website critiques and I am done. I want to go home!!! I'm thinking of joining Miss Tiner in the revolt against MySpace. I've been trying to log on for the past few hours and have gotten nowhere. Damn you MySpace and your addictive qualities!

Pictures and updates to come!

If the shoe fits.

This should be on the other shoe, but no one reads that anyway. I made Alyson do it, and now I have to follow suit. I'd like to have alot of people do this, but since I only know Amanda and Aly on this thing, it's all up to Amanda.

Leave me a comment and I will respond to the following for you, about you.

1. I’ll respond with a random thought I have about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think.)
5. I’ll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog

The other side of the quad.

Today was a typical Wednesday. Thankfully this is the last day of the week that requires waking up at 5:30 a.m. My students were none too happy with me today. Apparently they don't want to have to do any work in this Learning Community. It's a scavenger hunt. It will take you 20 minutes. Do it. Once again I ask, "Was I really 18 at one time?"

Today was the best lunch I've had in a while. I purchased this weird sandwich at the French Cafe (I'm using the term "cafe" loosely) and met Krystal and Brett outside for a spring time picnic out in the quad. During our lunch, I made a comment about Krystal's phone and that I think a friend of mine has one similar to it. I also mentioned that he put his in his mouth one day (while we were on the phone with each other) and said that it sounded like I was in his head. Of course, Krystal had to try:



Step One: Insert your phone at an angle.



Step Two: Place the phone horizontally in your mouth.

I didn't act quick enough to catch Step Three: Spit the phone back out before everyone on campus sees you performing either step. Brett actually put his phone in his mouth too, but the camera was not in reaching distance to catch the "phone in mouth" craze. I love my friends! Mwaaa!



Long live picnic day and posing like retards. Notice the lovely color of Miss Krystal's shirt: According to http://www.anti-squirrel.com/index.html, squirrels are afraid of Milano Red. Believe it or not, this was the first outdoor lunch I've had where I was not approached by a squirrel. Good looking out anti-squirrel.com.

Thank you Nina Simone

These lyrics have been running through my head most of the night:

"Birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel. Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me and I'm feeling good."

I've also had Maroon 5's "Secret" in my head all day today. I can't get enough of that damn song. It's like crack for the ears. I can literally listen to this song over and over again! Hmmm. Good stuff. It really amazes me how you can live out certain scenario's through music. All good of course. Yippee!

I forgot to take a moment to congratulate Alyson on her garage sale and possible purchase of a new or gently used bike. You're my hero girl! Go show those boys what's up! :) Call me later and we'll make plans for when I come down!

Welcome to my world.

This blog is about my extremely dull day:

Today was one big hassle. To start, I woke up 15 minutes before I had to leave the house for school. Needless to say, I missed my first peer mentoring class (it's at 7:30 a.m.), but was too early for my official first class of the day (at 9:00 a.m.). I spent the hour chugging my nonfat latte, eating a breakfast bar, listening to my i-pod and writing in my journal (for the things I feel uncomfortable blogging about). The River Front Market was sooooo quiet this morning. Had it not been for my i-pod I would have fallen asleep. In any event I make it to my first class, Images of America, and realized that I did not do my reading for the day on Mary Rowlandson. I think my initial reaction was F@*#! It turns out that we spent so much time analyzing the Europeans influence and destruction on/of Native Americans that we never made it to the autobiography. Thank God!

At 10:00 I have absolutely nothing to do except run errands throughout the campus. Which leads me to my 11:00 class - Coms Research Methods (aka Statistics for Comms majors). We never make it through the agenda for that class because this 40 year old woman who is in the course asks the same questions over and over again. If you want to see 130 college students get angry, throw in a non-traditional student who wants everything explained 10 different ways with 10 different examples. We are never going to make it through all of the subject matter before the final.

By noon I am starving and still have a plethora of errands to run. It is a blessing to have a mail shop that offers fax service at school. I had to pay $4 to fax 3 sheets, but it's worth it to get it all done in one place.

I have the rest of the day to plan for Mentor meetings, study groups and outings (if I can ever get the professors involved). I had planned on going back to the school to swim, but I don't feel like driving all the way back over the causeway to do laps. I'll save that for Wednesday. See, I'm doing the swimming thing for 2 reasons: 1. I am training to swim at least 500 yards continuously and 2. Swimming is a complete body toner and cardio in one. Yippee! I love hitting 2 birds with one stone! (Not literally, I am a friend to the animals ... Unless they piss in my garage and eat through cords. Then all bets are off.)

Just.

My last blog was about time. I honestly can't wait for the time to go by. I can't type the reason why in my blog, but those of you who know me know why. This must be the most hideous semester yet. I'm not really into any of my courses and I can't seem to make myself stay focused on the task at hand. My heart isn't in this, it is somewhere else completely. Yes, it may sound ridiculous to say that you need your heart in matters of education, but for me, my education is something I really care about. I just need December to be here, after that I will be fine. I know where I need to be, I just need to get there.

Let me introduce Taco. Taco showed up on my doorstep last weekend and successfully made me hate him and any dog of his kind.



Taco managed to end up at the house at around 11:00 on Sunday night without a collar. So Taco stayed in the garage for the evening (it's a "he" by the way and we weren't too sure of the interactions he and Zoe would have). The next morning Taco managed to have peed on everything in the garage and as an extra added bonus he chewed through the wires connecting the garage door with the sensors. So the garage refused to function normally. This is the thanks you get for helping out an animal in need. Grrrr.

More adventures to come ... keep up with the comments! I love them!

You are here. No! Over there.

It's funny when you look at your life and wonder where all of the time went. I've been reflecting over the past view days. Mostly I've been doing this in between classes, but there are the few occasions where I have been caught doing this at home. Life is a tricky tricky thing. Most of the time we are busy making decisions only to wonder if they were the right decisions to make in the first place. Why do we second guess ourselves? I know I don't do it often, but when I do it leaves me feeling unsure of myself. The worst is when you realize why you second guessed yourself, especially when it seems too late to do anything about it.


On to other matters: Red Eye a review. This movie wasn't as bad as I thought it might be (the only Wes Craven film I have enjoyed was "The People Under the Stairs" and I was so young when I saw it that I could hate it now). Rachel McAdams is pretty convincing as Lisa, but I have decided that I do not care for Cillian Murphy. He just creeps me out. Yes, he is epycre (pronounced "eepy cray). Cillian must be a horrible person in real life because he plays one so well. The movie is a little predictable, but if you are in the mood for a moderate thriller then go catch this flick.

In any event, this week has been rather hectic. The first week of school is always trying. There is so much to accomplish: Finding your classes, purchasing books, deciding if the professor is a complete dick, figuring out when you have time to eat . . . Yes, the first week (or two) can often be a big, fat pain in the ass. I don't think that having class from 9 am to 6:30 pm on Friday was a wise move on my part, but the class looks like so much fun! Let's hope that it actually is as entertaining as I envision it to be. I think what made this week so difficult was trying to help 50 freshmen who don't want my help. This peer mentoring thing may be the second (possibly third) worst mistake I've made in my 26 years on this earth. I don't know how I thought I would be able to educate a bunch of 18 year olds about college when I am still learning as well. Oh God, and there is this one boy who has a crush on me and is very blatant about it! I'm a little worried about the meeting I have to have with him. Oh, yes how could I forget, I made a complete ass out of myself this past Wednesday. When am I going to learn that I am not cool and should not try to act as though I am! Thank God I wasn't wearing my glasses! It could have been so much worse. The best part of the week was in the parking structure (only true friends will understand this). I was approaching Parking Structure 1 when I heard a very loud car alarm go off. This is what went on in my head: "Helloooooo. I'm a caaar. Gasoline makes me run. Back seat. Trunk space. Helloooooo. Let's go for a riiiiide. Oil is my blood. Seat belts. Radio knobs." Damn that Dane Cook! He IS a silly bastard!

Where am I again?

There are times when I feel as though I am in a parallel universe in which my life is not really my life. It's hard to explain such a universe, but I believe it exists. Where am I now? I have no idea. I'm actually just winging it. It's tough to know what you want, but not know what is the best way to get there. Life is complicated. When I was younger, I never imagined myself encountering the issues I have now as an adult. Being a grown-up is not as fun as I had envisioned. In fact, it is a pain in the ass. When you're a kid, all you have to do is think about yourself. Now you have to account for every individual you will impact with a decision or indecision. When did it become so damn tough? I'm not complaining (at least for the most part) because I know what I want now and who I want to be. These are things that I wasn't exactly sure of 5 or 6 years ago. It's just the thought of what may lie around the next obstacle that alludes me. Where is that crystal ball when you need it?

So, I have had a few difficult decisions to make lately (specifically between yesterday and today). I think I chose the right path for me, but doubt always lies behind every decision we make. For me, I would feel remiss if I did not try. I'll leave it at that.

So on my way to the Village Bakery (where I get my pizza) I noticed a restaurant that has been in the same place since I have lived in Davis, but I never actually paid any attention to. This restaurant's name is (and I am not kidding): Pasta? Yes, with the ? in the title. Just Pasta? So are they unsure about serving pasta there? Are they playing little games? Let's make them think we serve pasta ... And then hit them with Steak and Potatoes. And when you ask friends to meet you there, how do you say the name? Do you say the word pasta as though it were a question? Or do you say Pasta Questionmark?

I have some more blogs posted on The Other Shoe. So if you're interested in my preference for French Onion soup over Chicken Noodle, take a gander!

Warning! Lots o' pictures!

I have finally made it back from the State of North Carolina. On the trip I took about 67 pictures. Yes, 67 pictures. Here are a few for your viewing enjoyment:


A Turkey Sculpture in someone's front lawn.


Thunderstorms on our way into Charlotte.


Welcome to Asheville! I have no idea how people take so many pictures of signs. This was a pain in the ass!

The driveway to Donna's house in Flat Rock. I figured no one would truly believe me, but this is where I stayed after my small stint in Charlotte.


Donna's backyard.


Me canoeing in Donna's backyard. It was my first time in a canoe.


Donna and Phil at the Flat Rock Playhouse where we saw "Children of Eden."


The Strickland Family at the Flat Rock Playhouse.

Phil and I at the Flat Rock Playhouse.


Bath time Megan.


Megan and I drinking at Hannah Flanagins.


Me in front of the Biltmore House. This was my favourite part of the trip. I adore the craftsmanship that went into the architecture and design of the Vanderbilt Estate.



The next best thing to the house is the winery!


The front of the Biltmore.


The front porch.


Another view of the front porch.


An exterior view of the staircase.





The mansion is lined with gargoyles. These are just a few that I captured. Unfortunately you can not take photos inside the house, although, that may be a good thing. I took a total of 21 photos of the houses' exterior. I can't imagine how many I would have snapped off on the inside!

For more photos of my trip, e-mail me and I will send you a link to my photo album on-line.

In a fit of joy

It's official! I am no longer an employee at the Dixon Tribune. It was a little sad to leave. I took a picture of my desk right before I left.



I should have taken a photo before I took all of my stuff down. Oh, well. Goodbye desk. We had good times.



Sharon, Laura and Sarah. We weren't ready for the picture, so we all looked really serious.



Us again. This time Sarah's eyes were closed. She hates being in photos so she wouldn't do another one. (Please note: My hair is shorter ... Feel free to comment.)

All in all it was a good 2+ years. I had lots of good times, good experience and a kick ass portfolio with recommendation letter. I actually saved some of my stuff in Acrobat Reader so I can e-mail my portfolio (instead of making copies for every job I apply for). I'd like to say that I am prepared for my future, but you really can't plan for everything. Like Jem says, "I just wish I had a crystal ball, to show me if it's worth it all." Let's just say I am well equipped.

Tomorrow I leave for North Carolina. Hopefully I won't be eaten by a bear or fall off a mountain. Pray for me. This would not be the time to be clumbsy ... "Hey! Look down there ... oh noooooooooooo (trails off)!" Zoe's a little pissed that we're leaving. Most people say that they know because they can sense how their animal feels. I know because this is what I came home to today:



She only drinks when she's upset. Poor girl. There's no bar at the kennel. Better pack some airplane bottles in with your biscuits.

Until later ...

That'll be about 15 minutes

There are very few things I hate more than waiting. Lately, I have been waiting for that return e-mail, for my last day of work, for this icky feeling in my throat to go away. I feel like I have been awaiting something my entire life. The sensation in your body is horrifying as you sit and wonder how long it is going to be. There are some things we know will eventually come. At some point my sore throat will diminish and I will ultimately reach my last day at the office. I don't know if the e-mail will come or if my message will be heard and reciprocated. Amongst my waiting, I often wonder how many people are biding for me. Am I missing some piece of a puzzle that will surface as long as I keep waiting? If we are all a part of this crazy mystery, will we ever be able to solve it without abiding each other or will we be forever lost in a sea of confusion?

As I walk through my own existence, I feel that without a certain amount of communication, I am lost in this world. I need to have the security of knowledge. This cognizance is what keeps my blood pumping through my veins. For me, information comes in all forms, and most often it creeps in through my modem and spills onto my computer screen. When I am taken away from this machine I cannot function normally. When my ability to access the world through my fingers is taken away I am delayed immediate access to what I need and what I want. I do not wish to linger in my sense of doubt. For that is what I ultimately feel when I am left to wait.

Why do we attend to each other as we do? Surely it would be easier to saunter through life on our own. The weights we place on each other are burdensome and unnecessary, but the fulfillment we gain from each other has no set value. People need each other; we thrive off of the energy each one of us holds. The waiting is all part of the mystery; that mystery keeps us alive and entertained. It is a struggle to feel held down by time and the decisions made in that time. The gift is the way we chose to handle the time in between the waiting. In the end, we are all waiting for something; why not let the moments that have been fulfilled over compensate the ones that have not.

The Birthday

Well, my 26th birthday has come and gone. Here are a few pictures from the day and one from my day before celebration!


Phil and I at The Melting Pot in Sacramento the day before.


Lindsay and I at Ink on my birthday.


Phil and I at Ink on my birthday.


The group at Ink. Me, Karen, Lindsay, Jett, Trisha, Emily and Chad. We had lots of drinks!

The day was spent at IKEA and the night was spent eating and drinking. I learned that I am a horrible darts player ... Although I was on my 5th cocktail by the time we started to play. Maybe that had something to do with it. In any event, it was a good time. Next year YOU need to be there. Yes, you.

Limit me not.

It's amazing how life twists and turns. We come in and go out. Friendships disappear, change, morph into something new or better. Humans are fickle creatures. My dog Zoe will be faithful until the end of time as long as you give her love and plenty of steak, but people are not so easy to appease. I bring this up simply because I am reflecting on my own life and the changes I have made through-out the years. In a few days I will be a year older and perhaps a bit wiser.

I am surprised how I have come full circle. See, in a way, I have changed considerably. When I was 18 I became involved with some undesirable people and I followed a path of destruction up until my 22nd birthday. By that time I was married and living a life that I never planned on having. Yes, there was some self-destruction through-out the years leading from then to now, but for the most part I have grown into what I consider "me." The ironic part is that I have become the person I was back when I was 16 and 17 ... Just a bit more mature and with a stronger sense of what I want and who I want to be. With my 26th birthday in sight, I can see that it only took me 10 years to get back to the person I was meant to become.

On my path to self-awareness I collected a few new friends. Most of them are haunts from my past. Friendly ghosts if you will. Reconnecting with these people has made me wonder how I ever lived without them. Yet, when we talk, it is as if no time has gone by at all. As though I did not live without them. They were always in my heart and mind which is what made the reunions so sweet. I value my friendships more than I had ever though possible. I remember my parent's telling me that I would only have 2 or 3 close friends (if I was lucky) and the rest would merely become acquaintances. I think they are wrong. Friendships can not be defined in such limited terms.

I do not know where I will be in the next 10, 20, or 30 years, but I do know that I will continue to grow as a person and that the people in my life will remain constant reminders of the person I am striving to be. These people make me who I am, if only for their company and soothing words. We can not stop the change. It is all a part of evolution. Our bodies change, our minds change and sometimes our hearts change. We can not stop the change, but we can determine how we are going to let that change affect ourselves and the people in our lives.

A note before bed

I just finished watching "L.A. Story" and it was fabulous. Before I head off to sleep, I want to share something that Steve Martin said at the end of the movie:

"A kiss may not be true, but it is what we wish to be true."

That feeling

Lately I have been thinking about emotions. A friend of mine has told me that many of the relationships he has been in may have fallen apart due to his inadequancy in displaying emotion. What are emotions and what do they mean. Can we equate emotions to feelings? And if you can, does the inability to show someone your emotions mean that you have no real feelings for them? I often wonder about my ability to display my feelings for my friends and loved ones. In many ways I feel as though I wear my heart on my sleeve; Although, there are times when I feel reserved and shut-down. Perhaps these feelings are what keep me from living my life in totality. Or do I show my emotions so much that it makes people back-off?

Our emotions can be shown through so many different means. A kiss, a touch of the hand or pat on the back, even our words can convey how we feel about people. Recently I have found myself in the position of not knowing exactly how I feel and that leaves me feeling hollow inside. In a sense, I can equate my feelings with my life in California. See, California is a sunny and rich place to live and most people who move out here never want to leave. For me, I enjoy being in California and I hope to learn from my experience here, but I could never stay. This is not where my heart is. Some would say that this little analogy shows exactly how I feel. One very important element is missing though: California has no feeling towards me. It can't. Life may be easier if we could all make decisions based on inanimate objects (or whole states), but it's not. In fact, I feel less sure now than I did before I began. Other people think that my lack of passion is because of my feelings towards California. To me, that statement is a cop-out. It's easy to say that because you are not happy with your physical location, you will not be happy with the rest of the pie. I don't think that's true. I honestly think that as long as you are satisfied with your life, you can deal with your geographic location.

I believe that our emotions are what makes us who we are. I came from a very emotional family. We always tell each other how we feel and why (if we can draw a reasonable conclusion). Living life without being able to display your feelings must be very lonely. Even now, with all of my feelings left out in the open, I tend to lend my mind to the desolate side of my heart. I can not imagine what it would be like to bottle all of those feelings up and never let them out. I often find myself wondering exactly how people feel about me. If I can't read their emotions or if they do not show any emotions, I can't decipher where the relationship stands. For me, that is a deal breaker for friendships and romantic relationships. I need to know where the two of us stand at all times. This has led to the demise of many relationships for me. So where is the balance? Will there always be a struggle between the sexes over proper displays of emotion? Or can we find a reasonable means of composing a way to display our affections without crossing any prearranged boundaries. Although I do not believe in over-the-top showing of affection, I do think that we all need a little bit of security with our emotions and a little less solitude. Because in the end, all we have is each other.

Travel

Stuck on a plane. Every effing time I travel. This has got to stop. Right now I am in Birmingham and we can not get off of the plane because we do not have a terminal. Our flight was headed to Atlanta, but had to re-route due to thunderstorms. So now we are here. I haven't eaten and the longer we are stuck here, the less likely I am to get a good meal. To top it all off, I am sitting next to the loudest woman to ever leave the West Coast. Apparently, she has replaced her lungs with a bull horn. Her kids are utterly annoying and they are everywhere - In front of me, behind me and beside me. This woman should NEVER have been allowed to reproduce.

When will this plane get off the ground?
Argghh! MUST GET FOOD!

Stuck in an airport. Atlanta is a fun city, the airport in Atlanta is hell. The people watching has gotten old and now all I want is to get on my way. It's amazing how weird people look when they are in a hurry. Honestly, being in a crowded airport should count as participation in a blood sport. These tourists take NO prisoners. I often wonder if traffic in an area, like the airport, could be controlled by using the same traffic signals and lines that city streets use. Yes, people turn into warriors when they enter an airport, theme park or mall. If people flew more often the obesity epidemic could become obsolete (just as long as you don't give them time to stop and snack between flights). Beep, beep, beep. Those carts are driving me nuts. Unless you are disabled you should not be allowed to get on one. An old woman with a busted hip could out walk one of those things.

Finally, my flight has taken off and landed. I'm only 3 hours late ... and so begins the vacation.

(This is an entry in my mini journal from the day I left for Maryland 7/19/2005)

The Maryland Experience

I just returned home from my trip to Maryland. I have so much to say, yet at the moment I have no time to say it in. To appease you, I am going to post my pictures ...


Seeing my Nana in Virginia ...


My Aunt Teri and I.


Stefi, Lindsey and I.


Frank, Stefi, Lindsey, Teri and I.


Arial (I'm not sure if that's how they spell it) my new friend.


The cutest kid I've ever seen! My cousin Lindsey.


Capoeira at ArtFest in Baltimore.


My friend John and I saying hi and goodbye ;)

There weren't a lot of photo opportunities so I had to make them up as I went along ... and that concludes the photo session of this blog. More blogging to come later ...

A note before flying

Leaving on vacation has its ups and downs. The ups are obvious. As for the downs, to start, packing is a pain in the ass. What do I bring? Where am I going while I'm there? Will I need "fancy" clothes? Ugggh! It's the same story every single time I leave to go somewhere. I never know what to bring and I am always afraid of forgetting something. To top it all off, I know pictures will be involved and I don't want to show up on my Nana's wall looking like an idiot. I wish packing your clothes was as easy as packing your bathroom necessities. Alas, as a woman I am forever doomed to a life full of icky packing decisions.

Today I felt like crap. Yes, all day. To make myself feel better I sat around and did nothing. Not a damn thing. It's amazing how good it can feel to sit on your ass for a day straight with no impending work or chores (I never consider packing to be a chore until the last minute). Bad TV can sometimes be a glorious thing as well. I now know how some celebs become so completely out of it. They must watch E! TV 24-7. It is the most ridiculous station, but I couldn't help but to be amused by the countdown of embarrassing star moments. No, it's not quite Dallas, but it's effing hilarious!

This evening has been full of the same. I'm preparing myself for my 4 a.m. wake-up. I've given up coffee in the a.m. because it makes my stomach feel like imploding. I'm going to have to survive tomorrow on my allowance of 2 caffeinated beverages a day. To top it all off, I'll be stuck in the Atlanta Airport for 3 hours and 45 minutes. What the hell do you do in the Atlanta Airport for almost 4 hours? I have a hard time amusing myself for 2 hours? I better make sure my I-pod is fully charged and ready for action.

All in all I am really looking forward to this trip. Hopefully I will get to tour some of the museums in DC and do some light shopping at one of the Mills Malls. I haven't seen my Aunt, Nana or my friend John for over 4 years, so it is a much needed visit. In order to make that visit, I must pack so TTFN!

Climb

The past few days have been filled with disappointment and joy. These two mixed feelings only lead to crazy thoughts and sleepless nights. I have been disappointed with my inability to do this diet. No, I am not in need of a major weight loss over-haul. I just want to lose a few pounds. Call it vanity if you will. I often speak of not being influenced by the world around us, but I often find myself swimming in a pool of insecurity.

Needless to say, the South Beach Diet has not been a success. I skipped part one, which cuts out all carbs. Leaving out these essential nutrients made me feel light-headed and my energy levels were at an all time low. I had never felt so badly in the morning (not even after a night of binge drinking). I added back in my carbs. A whole wheat cereal in the morning and a whole wheat sandwich at lunch. No extra sugar, no enriched flour just whole grain wheat. I've slowly begun putting back on the three pounds I lost even with 30 minutes of cardio everyday. I'm hoping this is just a temporary setback.

Yesterday Phil, Zoe & I took a trip out to Lake Berryessa. As we hiked down to our favorite spot we noticed there was at least one person down there already. Once we reached the beach we saw that there were 3 teenagers and a very large lab in our spot. They looked at us, we looked at them and then decided to hike out to another beach for some privacy. This is where it gets interesting. To get down to the other beach, we had to go backwards down a rope. The path was very steep, in fact, it was almost straight up and down. When we reached the bottom we set up our chairs and unleashed Zoe. She immediately dove in the water. That's when we saw it. One of the teenage boys swimming over to our beach. He noticed a rope swing and wanted to play on it. He floated under the rope trying to figure out a way to get on. He started to climb it like a mentally challenged monkey. Then he climbed the tree and tried to reach it with no avail. For his finale, he attempted to tie two branches together to make one long branch. No, it didn't work, but it did make me giggle. Refusing to give up, he calls his friend over. The friend quickly throws him the rope and he is off over the lake. Every time they went up the tree they climbed higher and higher in the hopes of doing something even dumber than the time before. After a half an hour of this, they called over the last remaining members of their group. Yes, we had encountered the rudest people on the lake. So we decided it was time to reclaim our spot.

The path we took down was not an option at this point. We couldn't make it with the chairs and dog in tow. There was only one way back up and it wasn't pretty. Zoe went first. Phil and I had to work with 2 chairs and a backpack. He went next. I trailed behind. The only way I could make it up this path was on all fours (not something I enjoy). I dug my hands into the loose rock and dirt to make it up. I had to occasionally throw the chair upwards only for it to slide back down on me. We made it halfway and the dog stopped and turned around as if to say, "You're fucking nuts if you think I'm going any further." Phil lost control of his chair and both he and the chair came flying down at me. He caught himself right before his shoe made contact with my face. He decided the only way we could make it was if Zoe was leashed at the top. So he left his chair and pushed her the rest of the way up and tied her to a tree. It was when he came back for me that things went even worse. As he climbed back down he lost his footing and slid past me taking the chair with him. I was petrified. The only thought in my mind was us both falling back, breaking our necks and not even having the dog to go get help (yah, too many episodes of Lassie). I did what any reasonable person would do. I climbed my ass up that hillside. Phil followed suit. Then he lost his gripping again! He slid down on his belly and quickly flipped over to his back. If there had been some water and a life guard you would have thought it was Wet N' Wild. I called out his name. No answer. Again. No answer. Finally, on the third try he responded with a gruff, "I'm fine." Once we both made it to the top we did quick inspections. Nothing broken. Lots of cuts (my hands looked like I had been playing with broken glass) and lots of splinters.

We made it to our spot. I wanted to kill the three kids. Why couldn't they have told us they were going to the other beach? A simple, "Hey we're going to the other beach if you want to stay here," would have sufficed. I guess it's Murphy's Law. You can't take a Monday and a Wednesday off to go to the lake in one week. Effing Murphy and his stupid law.

I'm excited because I am leaving for Maryland this coming Tuesday. A few days with my aunt and some other relatives and then a few days with my friend John. It'll be a party and a half. My aunt just told me that she hasn't even told my grandmother that I'm coming yet. Best get on that! The only downside to this is not looking the way I would like. I know that I am not going to turn into Sarah Jessica Parker overnight. It's just difficult getting there.

Being comfortable with yourself is so important. I know so many people who aren't. It can be extremely painful to look at yourself in the mirror when you can't enjoy the skin you're in. Vacationing often halts weight loss and exercise. This is an obstacle I have to overcome. I'm leaving for another trip in August and again, I want to be as fit as I can when I get there. Hopefully, I will find the support I need within myself and not from another fad diet.

On the beach ...

There aren't many relevant things happening in my life right now. Actually, all I've been doing all day is preparing myself and Phil for the South Beach Diet (which I started today). I had no idea how many products have trans fat and unnecessary sugars in them. Now that I had the big clean-out of my refrigerator and pantry plus the extra money spent on books etc. there is no turning back. My stomach isn't happy about it at all. Not one iota.

Actually, my wallet is a bit pissed off as well (not to mention a whole lot lighter). No wonder there is an obesity epidemic. Healthy food cost so much more money than the not so healthy alternative. Somehow, vegetables, meat, cheese and spices have made their way up to the grocers elite aisle. It's amazing how the very things which we need to survive are priced beyond the reach of many individuals.

For people who eat organic the costs only sky-rocket further. Yes, those who eat and drink products that are not chemically altered, sprayed with pesticide, or given hormones must pay more to have these "additives" removed.

In any event, I will be tracking my progress and frustrations here for the next few weeks. Unless it becomes extremely boring.

Oh, and I have noticed that my counter number has reached over 100! Woohoo! I even have at least one more reader. It's sooooo exciting!

The Feeling

Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is going to happen or has happened already and you just don't know about it. I have that feeling right now and I am not sure why. It frightens me for many reasons. One is that Phil is flying home from Japan today, but will not arrive until tomorrow. That worries me for all of the obvious reasons. I told him to "fly safe" 3 times this afternoon as if he didn't already know to do that. Another is the impending hurricane on the East Coast. My family finally purchased and installed their generator, but you never know what will happen. Then there are other things, the warning page that showed up after I had paid for the South Beach Diet On-line that said it (being all of my information including my credit card) was being sent over an un-secure site. Um Hello!

Am I worrying for no reason what-so-ever. Well, one can hope. What if something does happen? Should I start up my own psychic hot-line? What do these feelings mean?

BFF

Friends. These people are always on my mind. Some thoughts are good, others bad and many more are in between. It's often difficult to manage friendships, especially when they are of the long distance variety. You often miss a large chunk of peoples lives and in many cases you find yourself permanently "out of the loop." The absolute worst kind of long distance relationship is not the long distance lover, but the long distance best friend. After enough time and distance you often find that your title of "best friend" has been revoked and given to another closer (in proximity) contestant. Friendships seem harder to maintain than a boyfriend or girlfriend. In the same token, friends can be dumped just as easily as a lovers. Where did all of the friendships go?

Recently, I started making connections with old friends of mine whose ties were broken in one way or another. I started down the path of friendship renewal because of a class I took this past Fall. The class was American Culture in Communications. To be honest, the class was much different than I thought it would be. At first I hated it. I did not want to change the person I had become. What kind of person was that? A product of the media. I had very little characteristics of my own that were not sent to me through some medium. So I changed the way I absorbed the media. Some material wants still linger in me. I'm not sure that I could ever give up my love of Manolo's or Prada's, but I can at least know why I am picking that shoe, that toothpaste, or that cereal.

Being a product of the media, I also wanted my friendships and loves to be identical to that which I saw daily on my favorite TV shows. In reality there is no Mr. Big, there is no Ed, and there is no Will & Grace. It is so hard to let these things go because we see these as being perfection and we want all of our real relationships to mirror these fake ones. In an effort to correct myself I reached out to friends of my past and not those of the future for one reason. I love every single one of those people and I feel like an idiot for not living in those moments for their imperfections.

So where did those friendships go? No where. They didn't disappear at all. Some people were harder to talk to than others, but for the most part it was as though we had never lost touch. It was so refreshing to see that those friendships could withstand the tests of time and distance. What is sad is that it is still hard for me to connect to some of those who I never lost touch with in the first place.

Where do we all go from here? It's hard to say. Perhaps we all need a class in interpersonal communication. Or maybe, we need to just sit down and take the time to evaluate what is important to our lives because at the end of the day we all need each other.

"It's been so hard to get it right. It seems like. The moment I catch up. The farther you fly."
-Liz Phair

Mr. E

Mystery. A subject that I can not escape. A friend of mine recently talked to me about mystery and it got me thinking. What is so great about mystery? When I think of mystery I think of mystery meat (you know, the unnamed substance in cafeteria food). Other people think of that mysterious woman, novels and movies. Another friend of mine used mystery to her advantage. I always remember her telling me that the only way to get a guy is to be mysterious. That approach never really worked for me. Partially because I talk way too much. I can never hold my feelings back, part of being a Leo I presume.

So here are my thoughts on the subject. A person is only mysterious when you don't know them. As we all know, the best part of a mystery is solving it. To solve the mystery of a person all you would be required to do is to get to know them or google them (which ever works best I suppose). There you go, mystery solved. If what you prefer is mystery then you can never have something substantial. And when it comes to relationships, you can (excuse the language please) fuck mystery but you can't make love to it. You can talk to mystery but you can't communicate with it. You can touch mystery but you can't hold it.

I am a huge fan of the TV show ED. TBS plays re-runs of the show at 9 a.m. At this point a new character has been introduced. Dennis Martino is the new principal at Stuckyville High. No one in the town knows anything about this new mysterious person. Dennis is rude to all of the teachers including Carol Vessey (one of the main characters). Ed (the main character ... obviously) spends an entire episode trying to be mysterious like Dennis (he fails miserably). Carol, insists on revealing the true Dennis Martino. In fact, she becomes obsessed with it. So what does she do? She makes out with him, starts a relationship with him, and uncovers the mystery of him. She does all of this only to find that the man behind the mystery is not as intriguing as the mystery itself. Why? Because Dennis really wasn't mysterious at all. He was a man hiding his past and delaying his future. The point? Well, anyone can be mysterious if they really want to. All you have to do is stop being yourself. Where's the fun in that?

The Cookie

Why is it that whenever you decide to place yourself on a "health" diet you crave things you wouldn't necessarily eat on an average day? For months I have been eating what I consider to be normal meals. To lose a little extra weight I decided to cut some of the carbs out of my diet (chips, crackers, chocolate, etc.). Now that is all I can think about. I actually skipped out on half of my dinner just to eat chocolate chip cookies.

Am I really that weak? I know that it is all in my head, yet, I still can't control the urge. I've come to a resolution. Throw the damn things away. If they aren't around then I won't eat them. Right? So perhaps that solves the cookie problem. Then there are the other carbs. Everything I love has carbs. Even though I am not a vegetarian, I do have a problem eating most meat after reading some choice books (Diet for a New America and Fastfood Nation) I enjoy eating bread, vegetables and some fruits ... all of which contain carbs. The point being, what do you replace your carbs with? To start I would replace chips with fruit ... I miss out on the fat but there is still the lingering problem of carbs and calories. Not every snack can consist of nuts! (The kind you eat ... not the other.)

So what does that leave me with? Salads for the rest of my life? Carbs are a natural substance which the human body craves to make energy. I work out at least 3 times a week plus I strength train. Without my carbs I would be a walking mass of anger. Even though celebs such as Jennifer Aniston claim that diets like The Zone are a way of life, I can't find way to make them work. Most are too complicated and require measuring ounces of food. You must have x ounces of protein in this meal. Don't go over x ounces of carbs in that meal. Who has the time?

Until I can figure it out ... anyone have milk?

Done.

This past weekend was exhasting and that's putting it lightly. For those of you who don't know, Phil is a HUGE Nascar fan. Since I work for a newspaper I was able to snag some garage passes for the entire weekend (consisting of Friday thru Sunday).

Those of you who know me (and you should if you're reading this blog) already know that I am not a big sports person in general. I do share a love of fast cars, but primarily those that I can purchase. Okay, I can't lie. I do hold a little bit of excitement for the sport and yes, I do have a favorite driver (Driver of the #9 Dodge – Kasey Kahne). However, an entire weekend dedicated to 4 a.m. wake-up calls and long days in the sun is not in my enjoyment DNA.

The upside ... I was able to meet and have my picture taken with Kasey.
Isn't he cute ;)

I was also able to meet the Grand Marshall for the event. None other than Larry the Cable Guy.

Get 'er done!
By this point my make-up evaporated off of my face and my hair took on a life of its very own.

No actual journalism took place here. Although we did enjoy the free food and drinks.

The San Francisco Treat

Ah, finally another blog post. I know it has been a while. Hopefully I will get some comments this time around!!!

Well, lets try to put a week into a blog. To start, my Uncle Tim (and a cousin I had never met before) suprised me with a visit this past Wednesday (June 22). He was staying in San Francisco so I ventured down there to help him with his site-seeing. Unfortunately, Alcatraz was sold out so we had to wing our day. Denny (my cousin) seemed to be down for anything and so was Tim. We started with the Aquarium of the Bay. This particular aquarium gets its acclaim (if an aquarium can get acclaim) from being under the bay, offering its guests a true view of the San Francisco Bay. Alas, there was no view of the true Bay. No bodies afloat here, just your average aquarium ... that costs $13.00 per person to enter. Yes, I am sorry to say that if you would like the ultimate experience of the Bay you will have to jump in yourself. No admission required.

Dennis still managed to have fun ...

Onward through our day. From there we took the MUNI to downtown San Fran and walked down Market Street. Then off to the orignial cable cars! We stood in line for what seemed like hours to ride the original cars of our past. Dennis managed to get an outside standing position while Tim and I were forced to stand on the inside of this extremely small contraption. The ride was semi pleasant until the car started uphill. (For those of you who have never travelled to this fair city, the hills are a bitch to ride or walk up, especially if you are holding on for dear life.) Half way through our 3 dollar ride across town, the car broke so we decided to get out and walk since the rest of the trip was down hill. Luckily, it stopped right in front of Lombard St.! So we took a walk down the world's most crooked st. Something I thought I would never get a chance to do (parking is horrible in that area).


Lombard in all of its glory.

We walked all the way back to Fisherman's Wharf from there only to receive a $30 parking fee (for 5 hours of parking!).


Me, Tim and Dennis with Alcatraz in the background.

The best part of the day was going to see the Golden Gate Bridge. All of the buidings in San Francisco are remarkable, but the Golden Gate bridge is an architectual masterpiece. We started at the bottom and actually walked up to the bridge ...

Dennis and I in front of a tunnel leading to the bridge. Look I'm actually taller than the opening!!!

Taken from the bottom of the trail up to the bridge.

The walk was long and hard but worth it!
All in all the day was great. Spending time with my Uncle and Dennis was really great for me. I do not get to see my extended family often and this was a step in the right direction (as far as keeping in touch, etc.). I'm glad to have met Dennis. He is a wonderful kid ... I'm still not sure exactly how we are related but we are cousins to some degree.

The downside to this excursion: After our day, I dropped the two off at their hotel in Japantown so they could get in their rental car and get off to the airport to catch their flight to Australia. While we were sight-seeing, someone broke into their vehicle and stole $4,000 worth of electronics.

The reason I am telling you this: The hotel knew it had a problem with people breaking into rental cars and no one told them about this before they packed their things into the car. Someone from the front desk could have warned them, but no one did. Their things were packed neatly and were not left in the open. Their car was also only 4 spots away from Security. So please, if you do travel and need to leave your things in a safe spot while out and about (and you had to check out that day) a reasonable hotel will keep your belongings behind the front desk for safe keeping. (Once your belongings enter a parking garage or parking lot, the hotel waives all responsibility.) This way, if something does happen, you can hold someone accountable!

That's it for now ... I'll finish the week up a little later ;)

A ... By any other name

So, I work at a small newspaper. I have an assistant named Linda, who hates me. There are a few reasons she hates me:

1. I'm her boss and 25.
2. She's 50.
3. I'm her boss and 25.

Today at work, I received a phone call from one of our advertisers whom I have worked with for almost 3 years. I answered the extention as usual "Hello, this is Laura how can I help you?" The advertiser (who shall remain nameless) quickly told me who she was and what she wanted. I helped her with her advertisement and as we were hanging up she said, "Thank you Linda." Then she hung up.

Thank you Linda??? What the? Linda? Um, hello! My name is Laura! Remember me, the person who designs your ads and makes sure that they are properly placed within the paper every f-ing week. The person who made sure that you stopped flashing your "how are you doing" at every person at the last big Chamber event (she was a little drunk). Uhhhh!

The beginning

I've begun posting blogs here mainly due to my friend Alyson ... but Myspace's lack of cooperation was also a big player in the move to this site. I'm not feeling very bloggy tonight, but I can not figure out how to update my profile ... I think the first blog is required, you know, like an initiation (without the alcohol and nude olympics). In any event, I just returned from Florida and was immediately thrown into work. Since I've come home I found out that my Amanda is leaving the great (I am being sarcastic, I promise ... not about her leaving mind you, just the word "great") state of California for the sunny (yah, again) state of Florida. I will miss having her so close!!! We only took advantage of it twice! *A note on sunny Florida. I grew up there. Lived in some small town in Florida for 21 years. You would think that I would be prepared for it to rain almost the entire time I was there. I wasn't. The worst part, I wanted to see a good thunderstorm. I haven't gotten one of those since we lived in Oklahoma (almost 3 years now). It made me sad.

Back on to news worthy topics. My friend Travis is getting married in a week. I am praying for him. That's all I'm saying about that. Mikey is getting his life back together and I have never been more proud of him. He's been through a lot and I think he is handling himself very well. It was great to see Mike, Alyson and Tom. As I've gotten older, I have learned a lot about friendship. I wish I had held on to all of my friendships a little tighter back in the days of MCHS. I guess that learning the "hard way" sometimes may be the only way. I won't let another 7 years (almost 8) come between us again. At least I won't if you won't.


Me, Mikey and Alyson

Mikey, Me, Alyson, Tom and Jennifer out to eat. Did someone say creamy?

Alright, I am completely blogged out. Until next time!