That feeling

Lately I have been thinking about emotions. A friend of mine has told me that many of the relationships he has been in may have fallen apart due to his inadequancy in displaying emotion. What are emotions and what do they mean. Can we equate emotions to feelings? And if you can, does the inability to show someone your emotions mean that you have no real feelings for them? I often wonder about my ability to display my feelings for my friends and loved ones. In many ways I feel as though I wear my heart on my sleeve; Although, there are times when I feel reserved and shut-down. Perhaps these feelings are what keep me from living my life in totality. Or do I show my emotions so much that it makes people back-off?

Our emotions can be shown through so many different means. A kiss, a touch of the hand or pat on the back, even our words can convey how we feel about people. Recently I have found myself in the position of not knowing exactly how I feel and that leaves me feeling hollow inside. In a sense, I can equate my feelings with my life in California. See, California is a sunny and rich place to live and most people who move out here never want to leave. For me, I enjoy being in California and I hope to learn from my experience here, but I could never stay. This is not where my heart is. Some would say that this little analogy shows exactly how I feel. One very important element is missing though: California has no feeling towards me. It can't. Life may be easier if we could all make decisions based on inanimate objects (or whole states), but it's not. In fact, I feel less sure now than I did before I began. Other people think that my lack of passion is because of my feelings towards California. To me, that statement is a cop-out. It's easy to say that because you are not happy with your physical location, you will not be happy with the rest of the pie. I don't think that's true. I honestly think that as long as you are satisfied with your life, you can deal with your geographic location.

I believe that our emotions are what makes us who we are. I came from a very emotional family. We always tell each other how we feel and why (if we can draw a reasonable conclusion). Living life without being able to display your feelings must be very lonely. Even now, with all of my feelings left out in the open, I tend to lend my mind to the desolate side of my heart. I can not imagine what it would be like to bottle all of those feelings up and never let them out. I often find myself wondering exactly how people feel about me. If I can't read their emotions or if they do not show any emotions, I can't decipher where the relationship stands. For me, that is a deal breaker for friendships and romantic relationships. I need to know where the two of us stand at all times. This has led to the demise of many relationships for me. So where is the balance? Will there always be a struggle between the sexes over proper displays of emotion? Or can we find a reasonable means of composing a way to display our affections without crossing any prearranged boundaries. Although I do not believe in over-the-top showing of affection, I do think that we all need a little bit of security with our emotions and a little less solitude. Because in the end, all we have is each other.