Insert Inspiration Here

Unsolicited Advice

2009-04-15T23:29:00.004-04:00

Let's talk about advice people! Before we begin, we're going to break down the meaning of this two syllable word:
Ad - An Advertisement or A notice or announcement in a public medium promoting goods, services, etc.
Vice - Immoral or wicked behavior

Is this a very basic, raw description of the terminology at hand? Yes. But what are we without basics??? So here we are talking about a seemingly innocent word, which literally defined in terms means "Advertising immoral or wicked behavior." The actual definition of advice is "guidance or recommendations concerning future prudent action." Personally I feel as though both definitions apply to this lofty little word, it just depends on who is providing said advice.

When it comes to advice, friends can oftentimes work with you, and sometimes ... well, not so much. Don't get me wrong, I am certain that most of the time they mean well, but some of them can really screw with your head. And others do it to watch you squirm.

We'll take me for example: I have absolutely no idea where my life is going. Work, friends, potential love interests ... I have no idea what is going on with any of the aforementioned pieces of my exquisitely jumbled life. And if that isn't nerve wracking enough, throw in some good ole' "advice" and you have yourself a tremendous pile of $%*# to dig through. Because let's face it, not many people are going to tell you "everything is going to be okay". Most will get extreme pleasure in letting you know that life can suck to an overwhelming degree. Let me take a moment to extend a hardy "Thank you" to the miserable people who erased optimism from their vocabulary.

Moving on to the other side of this rather twisted spectrum. Some advice I have received has been wonderful ... sometimes impossible to follow, but wonderful nonetheless. Tidbits like "Go with the flow ... don't push things ... everything happens for a reason ..." are all upbeat and promote a healthier outlook than "Dude, you're totally getting used." Now it's not always possible to "go with the flow" or to believe that "everything happens for a reason." Because, we truly don't want to believe that there is a reason behind getting your heart broken or being laid off. A moral, maybe ... a lesson, sure ... but you never want to think there is a reason. It seems to harsh. When good things happen we are all about the "reason", we love the reason then. I digress.

In short, stop giving crappy advice people. If you don't know, be honest. Don't compare your situations because nothing is ever the same and sometimes reading past the lines can screw things up for everyone.

Until next time ...
xoxo

"We should be careful and discriminating in all the advice we give. We should be especially careful in giving advice that we would not think of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to avoid giving counsel which we don't follow when it damages those who take us at our word."
- Adlai Stevenson

This evenings playlist:
Nine Inch Nails Year Zero

About Time

2009-03-25T23:59:00.002-04:00

Timing is everything in this sweet little world we dwell in. Sometimes the Universe throws us a bone and everything comes together like a fine tuned symphony and other times things turn out so horribly that it makes you want to scream "REALLY?!?!" into the cosmos. If I had arrived at a scene a moment sooner or later than I had, would life as I know it be different? And if so, how drastically would that change the lives of the people I know? Perhaps it is all left to chance, even so, doesn't the variable of chance teeter on the concept of time?

With the consistent twists and turns my life has overcome, I frequently find myself questioning the concepts of time and destiny ... like when I'm noshing on a chocolaty treat in the mid-afternoon. And even more often I find myself doing a physical activity, like running, to clear my mind of all the incessant thoughts. Just the other day I explained to someone that I need to do things to stay out of my head ... it's not a safe place for anyone. I usually find that I am over-thinking things, over-analyzing situations and just plain overloading myself with unnecessary worry. In effect, I'm just plain wasting my time. I digress.

So in this complex space / time continuum are we in charge of where our destiny takes us or are we at the whim of the Universe? Should we be pumping our fists in the air when things don't go exactly as planned, when mere minutes can change everything we have worked so hard for? I believe we should be grateful for the time we've had, and that which lies ahead of us because in the end it's who we spent our time with and what we spent our time doing that is truly important.

Until next time -
xoxo

On my play list this evening:
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
Flying High - Jem
Us of Lesser Gods - Flogging Molly
Stepping Stone - Duffy
I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie
Colors - Amos Lee

The Hunt

2009-03-21T17:40:00.003-04:00

As an almost 30 something single woman, I've come about many interesting scenarios ... but none more compelling than the world of dating. Which leads me to this one HUGE question: Where did chivalry go?

Once upon a time, gentlemen asked young women out on dates, opened the door, paid endearing compliments and occasionally brought flowers. Times have changed and they are scary. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the women's lib thing; however, some traditions are nice to uphold on the occasion (per say a first date or a special outing).

Since when did women become the hunters, the proverbial cavemen who pursued their potential mate? Why has this daunting task been thrown on our shoulders as yet another burden to bear? Is it not enough that we have to worry about how much we weigh, if our hair is properly done, if we smell nice, look nice, what we say, who we say it too, PMS ... the list goes on. Now we have to be in charge of date's as well. Which also leads to more stressful situations such as when you should call, what do you do if he doesn't call, waiting for his call ... it all kind of takes the fun out of dating. Something I had previously thought would be a little enjoyable is more like work than anything and causes more anxiety than a colonoscopy.

Honestly, I don't know how people do it. I've thought about giving up on the whole damn thing, but unfortunately I'm a mushy believer in love. Stupid love.

Ahhh. One day.

Until then ... xoxo

A note before bed

2009-02-18T22:20:00.003-05:00

First and foremost, I need to say hi to everyone and apologize for my absence. The past month has been trying both professionally as well as personally. On the upside, I do have a ton to write about but not tonight I'm afraid. However, I will leave these few pieces of parting advice for the evening:

1. Never tell your boss he/she won't do something. Especially when it pertains to you. For example - "You won't tell our GM that the design looks great ... it's just his aging eyes." Because if you have a boss like mine, he/she will add that little tid bit of info as a Post Script (from you) on the next e-mail to the GM.

2. Never engage in a paper ball fight with your coworkers when standing outside the GM's door. Odds are, you are the only one he'll catch in the act ... even when you were just retaliating against the aforementioned boss.

3. Always suspect your best friend in the office. He/she is behind almost every office prank played on you. Like intercepting a fax for HR entitled "How to deal with trouble employees," putting a sticky note on it that says "I thought you might need this," and leaving it on your boss' chair.

Until next time.

xoxo

You Spin Me Right Round Baby ...

2009-01-23T19:02:00.005-05:00

I often find myself in peculiar situations, like today when a fellow coworker apologized for not inviting me to his birthday party because he is celebrating it jointly with someone else that recently betrayed my trust and broke my heart. (Insert laughter here.)

Now, I feel I should elaborate on the phrase "broke my heart" because I feel too many people will take it as a purely romantic sentiment. Let me address this by stating that although romance did exist, that isn't what I mean by the previously stated idiom ... at least not entirely. To put it more precisely, I believed in this person, I felt blessed to be in their life and those sweet sentiments were returned to me without question until one day they just weren't. I regained faith once again to have it taken away without conversation or any regard for my feelings. In that respect, my heart was broken. It was elevated more so because this person, this individual I held in such high esteem, couldn't be bothered to take the time to tell me in person.

So here I am, trying to not explain the situation I am in to my poor friend who apparently can not invite me to his birthday and is caught in this awkward position because of something entirely too complex to clarify without telling him things he should not know. (Yes, you may want to take a few breaths and re-read that again a few times). Well, when all is said and done I had come to find out that he already knew the one sided details of the horrific last week of my life so I was left to give my side without falling into a million pieces. What makes it worse is this one question that was posed to me during the encounter, "Would you speak to him again if everything were to change?" How am I supposed to answer that? Logically, without a frigging doubt the answer is emphatically NO! But my heart, my heart says YES. My heart screams YES without question, without reason, without logic, because these things matter not to the heart. And in the end, emotion always triumphs matter. It may be stupid and insane but nonetheless I will always follow the instincts that pulled me through this wretched life and forced me to become who I am. Do not misunderstand, I will always be a follower of logic but I have found that sometimes you need to stop listening to the voice of reason and follow the desires you keep within. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be here now but I would be in a passionless marriage to a man who was in love with someone else. Now I know that may be someone's idea of fun, but I wanted more so I here I am. I know I want to be in love and to have someone who loves me as well ... and I will have that one day ... well, either love or a lot of cats. It's a toss-up. I'm still young, but I don't want to jinx it.

So, what I have learned hence far: I still have no idea where my life is heading or who my main players are. I don't really know what happened with the person I harbored such affection for and I don't know if I will ever find out. I can hope that one day he will come to his senses and actually hold a conversation with me ... but I won't hold my breath.

What I know: I'm a divorced, late-20 something who always wants to believe in love. I have a lot of time left to make my mark on this world and one day I hope I will have someone to go on this journey with me.

Until then ... here are some songs to take with you into the evening. I'll entitle it My soundtrack of the eventide.

"Let Go" - Frou Frou
"In The Waiting Line" - Zero 7
"Wish You Were Here" - Pink Floyd
"Grey Room" - Damien Rice
"Chasing Cars" - Snow Patrol
"Bittersweet Symphony" - Ace Enders and a Million Other People
"Lesbia" - Lucky Jim

Until next time - xoxo

Answers to questions

2009-01-16T22:04:00.004-05:00

Because I don't feel like my usual blogging self I will simply answer the questions posed in my previous post by my dear Emily.

The insight I gained is a bit skewed. I thought it was one thing when I originally wrote the blog ... but now it is another. My insight is that I do not belong where I am ... I need something more to sustain my own personal well being. Don't get me wrong, I love certain aspects of my life, but one thing is for certain ... I will never find true love here in this little coastal paradise. Because, let's face it, this is a paradise for those already in love ... not for those seeking it.

The new friend: Is not promising. He was a facade. It took a couple of weeks but I found that he, much like many other's I have met here, are not what they market themselves to be. The sad part is that I fell for his alter ego once before and I foolishly allowed myself to believe that this person transformed into a new, honest individual. But just like all the rest, he played me for the hopeless romantic I am and left me out to dry in the same exact manner he did the last time. Well, almost. At least before he had the tenacity to actually tell me. This time I received an e-mail. A "Thanks for playing but I think I'll go with option B" e-mail. So, my dear Emily, it seems as though I spoke too soon in the prior blog. I held onto hope with no payoff.

So I leave you with these questions:
How many times does one need to have their heart broken before they give up on the concept completely?
When do you know where you truly belong?
Who do you trust?

And once again I will quote Nietzche for this "important friend":
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Until next time.
xoxo

Where to begin

2009-01-14T00:01:00.003-05:00

Welcome to 2009. Don't forget to pick up your complimentary commemorative tote on your way out ...

I was stupidly hoping that 2009 would eventually dissolve the memories of 2008 and with it my life would begin anew. Then I decided that believing in fairy tales and Santa Claus may actually pay off more in the end. Did I think that everything was going to be magical? Did I want to believe in my Christmas / New Year's miracle? Sadly, the answer is yes. Am I being extremely pessimistic and unreasonable ... well, the answer there is probably yes as well. I did gain some insight with the beginning of this New Year and a very important friend as well.

Things have changed once again ... and if I want to survive in this world I need to adapt to that change ... and relatively quickly. However, something is still missing. I guess that's what 2009 is all about ... finding that missing piece of the puzzle. So here's to everyone finding their missing piece(s).

A New Year

2008-12-31T23:00:00.003-05:00

All -

I have not much to say on this last evening of 2008, but I want to wish everyone a very Happy 2009. Here's to a better year for all of us ... filled with love and laughter.

xoxo -
L

Who Can You Trust

2008-12-23T23:06:00.002-05:00

Life experience has taught me so many things ... who I can go to for help, who I look for for guidance, etc., but I was never properly introduced to the subject of trust and those who are keepers of such a beast. Instead, I often find myself led blindly into the abyss hoping that the person taking my hand is a trusted friend. How often have we all found this not to be true or even worse yet, how often have we found ourselves questioning such a person. Since my separation and eventual divorce I have been trying to make myself have that sort of faith in other individuals, but more often than not I feel lost, alone and ultimately betrayed. Is this something that people purposely do to each other or is a symptom of something else, possibly out of our control. And if someone betrays your trust can you let them back in with open arms without the fear of eventual repetition?

I always try to look for the good in the people around me and I often come back with astounding results except for when it comes to matters of the heart. Those people I truly care about I seemingly can not read as well as the others or maybe it's that I let my feelings get in the way of what I know is right. Either way you look at it, there is still a matter of trust, a matter of obligation to ones friends and loved ones. How can something like that be measured and weighed. At the end of the day, how do you know who won't hurt you ... who you can trust.

Learning How to Breathe Again.

2008-11-30T23:22:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone. This is the first one I have spent alone in 7 years ... now before you feel sorry for me, let me preface this by stating I did have my family with me this year. It's the loss of a familiar face I am referring to. It's difficult to explain how hard it is to learn how to be on your own again. It's like a small piece of you has been removed and replaced with another new and unfamiliar part. For me, it seemed like the best thing for my sanity was to start new traditions for the holiday's so that I wouldn't be burdened with the loss of my former life and the memories held within. So I spent my day doing things that I should have been partaking in my whole life. I laughed all evening with my father and cooked with my mother. I baked the WORST pumpkin pie ever, which is so unlike me. I may not be Rachel Ray, but I can bake a mean pumpkin pie. Not this year. And for the first time in a while I started to remember who I was prior to the upheaval of my life. So for this Thanksgiving, even though it may be a few days late, I would like to give thanks to my crazy family and the return of "Scrubs". Long live Zach Braff.

xoxo

Where it's all going ...

2008-11-24T23:42:00.003-05:00

I need to continue writing. I have the fever, but the premise has changed and the characters are different. Love no longer lingers on the tongue of this fervent author. When I began my little project I was certain that I would be describing the life of two people who lost their way, yet eventually found the way back to each other ... the way back home. But now it's so much more than that. It's losing yourself in a life you thought would be yours forever, but instead was there for only a glimmering moment in time. It's about being wrong and realizing that love is painful and grotesque, and does not consist of a storybook ending created by the likes of star crossed lovers.

I can honestly say that I hope this love I had experienced, not too long ago, was just a glimpse of what could be. I long to find someone I can be entirely passionate with ... someone I am willing to fight for and is willing to do the same. And that is what I will focus on in this never-ending story: the possibilities that come from the ashes of our pain. Rising up, defeating all, if for only the want of knowing it is not just an ideal created by fiction. I need to continue writing, so I can make myself believe in love again.

"Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination."
- Voltaire

It is what it is, or is it?

2008-09-23T12:53:00.001-04:00

Life is often times tricky and cruel. Not at all what I was looking forward to as I was rushing through my adolescence. I find myself constantly looking for answers I am afraid I will never get. Here I am, pushing through an existence of mindless wandering.

I have been back “home” for roughly 9 months and what I have learned in my time here is that nothing is ever what it appears to be and no situation can be easily resolved by the feelings you have towards your life or the people in it. Because, let’s face it, feelings change, people change and ultimately lives change … which is how I ended up back here to begin with.

Don’t get me wrong, “here” is not so bad. It’s the inconsistency of here that I despise. “Here”, not just being this physical place, but the relative one that I have recently found myself floundering in. I can not recall how many times I have been told that “‘It’ is going to be okay.” “‘It’ isn’t the end of the world.” What people can’t tell me is what “it” is? What exactly is going to be okay? What isn’t the end of the world? If it truly is what it is, then what in God’s name is it?

Just today I received an e-mail; the subject line: Change Your Life Today; the sender: an unnamed diet website. If only the perfect recipe for low fat pesto chicken and pasta would “Change My Life” but I have the astute feeling that it may just possibly change my love of pesto to pure disdain and not my life. No I tried changing my life a few hundred times and never did it include a new recipe. Perhaps it should. Does someone hold the recipe to a healthy, happy, cynic free life? And if so, why hasn’t this miracle been bestowed amongst the rest of us?

All you need ...

2008-05-03T21:04:00.001-04:00

Ahhh love. A tricky, complicated four-letter word that everyone thinks about, but few speak of outside the privacy of their abode. What is it about that little word that gets us tongue-tied and star struck? And why is it that love has so many different meanings to different people?

My encounters with love haven’t been ones that fairy tales were derived from. In fact, I have learned the hard way that love isn’t always enough and sometimes it can be too much. I’ve watched my friends and seen their love lives go up, down and occasionally inside out. I’ve watched them give everything for a love that once was, but no longer exists, just in the hope that they can get back what they once had.

The truth is, that you can’t force love and every so often you need to know when to give up. There are even times when the love is right, but you need to let go because it’s the right thing to do … even if you don’t want to. See, we can’t chase love because when we do we inevitably push it away and once the love is gone it is almost impossible to resuscitate it. So does that leave us loveless and alone or do we all have a happily ever after in the making? The answer to that question does not lie within me, but in those who have been fortunate enough to find love and never let it go.

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
~Emily Brontë 

“Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame.”
~Henry David Thoreau

Content? I think blah.

2008-04-29T23:29:00.006-04:00

The topic of this evening’s discussion is the word “content”. I am not referring to “contents” i.e. things in your junk drawer. According to Webster’s Dictionary the definition of content is to limit (oneself) in requirements, desires, or actions.

Earlier today I asked a friend of mine if they were happy. The answer I received is that they were “content”. To me being content is selling oneself short. I lived a vast majority of my life being comfortable where I was, I was content, but I wasn’t happy. In fact, the act of being content turned me into an emotionless, loveless individual. I watched my life spin into a downward spiral and I hated whom I was and where I was going … which was nowhere.

Due to my own personal experiences I believe that people who live their life in a sea of content are afraid to step out of that realm. Living in the world of content is living in the world of the known and venturing out into the world of the unfamiliar is scary. But would you rather stay in your comfort zone just so you can feel safe, or do you take the risk and make a change that will ultimately lead you to a place where you could be HAPPY! For me, I will not allow myself to accept anything short of happiness.

And as always, the song and quote of the day. Remember to click on the small box on the right of imeem.com for the full song.

“Life is good for a while, then it turns to shit.”
- Miles (Resort Bellboy)

Somewhere alone in the bitterness

2008-04-28T21:26:00.008-04:00

I thought I would be in the mood for blogging tonight, alas, I am in a bitter state of mind. To make up for my lack of enthusiasm I took some initiative and uploaded the photos from my crazy weekend. Please click on the album photo to be redirected to see all of the photos from both fun filled events. Hopefully these delightful photos will lift someone's spirits. Cheers!

"A sombre yet beautiful and peaceful gloom here pervaded all things ... the shade of the trees fell heavily upon the water, and seemed to bury itself therein, impregnating the depths of the element with darkness."
-Edgar Allan Poe

Andrew's Surprise Birthday Party '08

Andrew's Universal/IOA Birthday Extravaganza '08

Say

2008-04-27T22:26:00.003-04:00

It was a wild weekend. Barely any sleep. Way to much alcohol.

My brother's birthday was Saturday, but the girls and I decided to throw him a surprise birthday party on Friday. It started off a little shaky (I was the only person here to yell surprise when he pulled up because my family didn't stall him for long enough) but he had a blasty blast.

The next day Senor Goobs and I traveled to Orlando to hit up Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure. Saturday night was grad night so we saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Gavin Rossdale practicing for the event. We occupied our day with plenty of roller coasters and other misc. rides. The big hit: We got to test ride the new Simpson's ride. It was EXCELLENT! I can't wait to go back. Although, I'll wait for my vocal chords to heal. Roller coasters = screaming. Screaming = hoarse Laura.

In any event, I will be posting photos soon! We have a lot of great candid shots. I'm very excited.

Here are the quote and song for today. Remember to click on the small box on the top right hand corner of the imeem.com box. This is a song worth playing over and over again. I know I have been.

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Karma Chameleon

2008-04-23T22:42:00.004-04:00

A week and a half ago I was engrossed in a conversation about karma and I can’t stop thinking about the affects karma on the average individual. Personally, I feel as though my karma is completely fucked. Yes, I said it. Without going into the dirty details I will indulge in some brief generalizations. In the last month I have: literally fallen over myself a handful of times, gotten my heel stuck in a crack in the parking garage, fallen out of my chair, walked out of a public restroom with my skirt tucked into my undies, went shopping at Albertson’s and forgot about the case of water under my basket, had a night out with someone who only talked about themselves (that is horrible, don’t argue with me on that) and became involved in a “friendship” that is so irritating it makes me want to punch babies in the face. (At this point I will add a disclaimer: I have never punched an infant that would be wrong. It’s a figure of speech get over it.)

It made me wonder if I had done something horrible in my past life that carried on into this one? And if that is the case, can I do enough good things in this life to make up for the faults in my history? What if I’ve been and plan on being an upstanding individual? If I follow the rules of the road, help old ladies across the street and always follow the cardinal rule of “puff, puff, give” will I be able to change my karma? I have decided to put this to the test. My first act was walking my happy ass back up to Albertson’s and standing in line again to pay for the water I forgot was in my cart. I’ve done other smaller things too: I mentally forgave someone who doesn’t deserve it, I’ve picked up other peoples trash (then immediately scrubbed my hands) and I have made sure I stay clear of cracks in the road. Step on a crack break your mother’s back. (Insert laughter here.)

All I have to say is, ‘God has one heck of a sense of humor.’

And now the song of the evening - Jack's Mannequin "I'm Ready"
Remember to click on the tiny boxes on the right of imeem.com

Communicable Disorder

2008-04-21T20:06:00.003-04:00

In this day and age, it seems as though we could all understand that communication is the key to all things in life. With cell phones, e-mail, text messaging and skywriting all within our grasp, we should be able to make the commitment to always stay in touch. Sometimes we find it is best to stow away our thoughts and to shut the people around us out. Trust me, I’ve been found guilty of reclusive actions once or twice, but there are times when we need to buck up and talk.

My dealings with lack of communication have never ended well. When we stop verbalizing our thoughts with each other, we tend to stray from the path we were on into a gray area of confusion and sometimes lack of trust. And when we lose trust, we lose everything. I graduated with a degree in Communication and the one lesson I took to heart was that lack of communication is the most overlooked form of communication. When we openly chose to stop disclosing ourselves to people, we are making the conscious decision to push them away.

For example: I’m riding on the BART on my way to San Francisco from Concord. When we stop at 12th Street in Oakland a man with a putrid odor sits down next to me. At the next stop I get up and move to the other side of the train. Even if I don’t say something to the stinky guy on the subway, my act of getting up and moving away from him is plainly stating that I no longer wish to be around him.

Sounds simple enough. But so many people act as though their lack of communication has no impact on those around them because they don’t understand that some of us are really listening. The old adage our parents’ pounded into our heads in our youth may not be 100% true, but actions do speak, even if they aren’t louder than words.

And now, the photos I promised in my last blog. Notice that the only communication issues we have is by communicating too much! Ha! Enjoy.

The Crew

Miss T. and I at Ocean Deck

Britty and I at Ocean Deck

Loss of my own words

2008-04-21T00:15:00.005-04:00

Not much to say tonight. Muddled thoughts, yada yada yada.
I plan on posting some photos from Saturday night soon ... it was marvelous! There's nothing better than 3 single girls on the town. Ms. T, Britty and I had a ball.

To replace my mechanical nonsense I will grace you all with the song of the evening. This is just a clip. For the whole song (which I highly recommend) click on the two small boxes on the right of the imeem.com. For some reason I can only embed the sample. I know. It sucks to have to take the second step, but this is an amazing song.

Ben Harper "Waiting for You"

Enjoy.

I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else ...

2008-04-19T01:36:00.002-04:00

But you.

Some might call it a "Juno" fit, but for me it's more than a cheesy soundtrack song. Ahhhh, how the days pass by and my thoughts remain the same. It's truly amazing because I can normally dismiss most things in my life as easily as I can bat an eye. Not this. My mind races through the days and nights and no matter what I do or how I occupy myself I continue to end up where I started; thinking of everything I want slipping through my fingers and I am helpless to stop it. I do try to stay optimistic, but those who know me understand that I am a pessimist in an idealists clothing. There are some things I truly believe to be real and I honestly think that one day this will all work out. It just requires patience ... something I obviously need to work on. It's hard to endure all of these feelings with no outlet to feed them into. It's just me. Who do you talk to? I love my friends dearly, but they all think I've lost my mind for continuing as long as I have and to tell them that I can't let myself give up would be admitting utter insanity. I always was a little crazy though ... and I won't stop believing. I can't stop believing. I saw, heard and felt something that keeps me moving. Some might call it wandering. Whatever it may be, the cost of sticking with my beliefs is worth the reward. And if there is no reward at the end, would it still be worth it? The optimist in me believes that it will be.

For J.

2008-04-16T23:22:00.007-04:00

About a month ago I met a new face. This encounter could have been just like any other except, I felt like I’ve known this person my entire life. It’s instances like this that make me wonder about this outlandish little circle of existence. How can you meet a stranger, yet feel as though you’ve been friends for years? Or better yet, how can you feel as though you were meant to meet this person? And when those feelings come fluttering to the surface, how do you handle them? I digress.

In any event, I met this amazing individual and in less than a week they made me feel alive again. It is a remarkable thing when a person can touch your life in the time span it takes for a slice of pizza to digest. But apparently it happens. Once more, this person reminded me of whom I am and all I aspire for my life.

I am saddened that this particular individual is going through some heartache right now and I only wish I could help them they way they helped me. Unfortunately, all I can do is be here for this person and hope that my friendship and patience will help them make the right decision.

And for this person, I am going to do something I said I would not do. Yes, I am posting my photos from the great cow slaughter of 2007, aka the Oklahoma Beef Summit. This is not for the faint of heart. Enjoy!

(PS. You can click on the photos for a full size view.)

Surveying the battle dome. I'm the girl in the red shirt.

Checking out the marbling on the ribs. More marbling = a great rib eye.

My group with our steer

That's me sawing through that bad boy!

And me asking a million questions ...

The End.

Past Life

2008-03-07T21:41:00.004-05:00

Change is a funny, tricky little creature. I sit here in my new home and feel so foreign in this once familiar land. Life has treated me well so far. Since I relocated I have obtained a wonderful job, begun meeting spectacular and unique people and enjoyed the company of some friends I had seemingly lost a long time ago.

North Eastern Florida is home to some of the oldest people in the state. I presume it's the eternal search for the Fountain of Youth in nearby St. Augustine that keeps them around; but whatever it may be, it makes for an interesting mix of personalities. I can only hope that my appreciation for this seemingly "virgin" territory will grow with the time I plan on spending here.

Where have you been?

2008-02-02T19:19:00.001-05:00

I know. It's depressing how much I have ignored this little bloggy blog. To be honest, not many people read my rantings so I find little use in persistently updating it. Never fear, here I am. Safe and snug on my mothers pull-out couch. For those of you who have no idea what is going on in my life, I am living in Florida now (if you want more information you'll have to ask). No more cold weather and people who have distinct pronunciation issues. For the last time; it is not Eye-talian food. Oye.

In any event. I will attempt to update this little ode to my boring life once something substantial happens. Until then, you know where to reach me.

Hugs not drugs.
L

Roasts, Races and Bases

2007-10-25T22:08:00.000-04:00

So there I am, minding my own business and BAM! A lifeless cow comes swinging in my general direction. There's blood on the floor and a man is getting ready to cut off the steer's leg. Further down, there is another cow with a contraption hooked to it. This device pulls the skin off of the cow in one swift motion. The next cow is getting ready to have its head and insides removed, and the last of the group is getting ready to be pulled in two. The night before these four animals were being graded by myself and the other conference attendees. They were much alive. Welcome to the Beef Summit. That was three weeks ago to the day. Since the trip to Stillwater, I have gone to Asheville, Hendersonville, and Charlotte, North Carolina. I shopped, hiked, ate, drank, and cheered for the Red Sox. I even attended a NASCAR race while I was in the area.

The Bank of America 500 was amazing. We made it into the infield before the race for driver introductions then we watched the race from a suite, a suite with wait service. It was nice. (Said in the voice of Borat.)

Without further ado, here are some photos of the trip:

Meg and I at the Poplar Lodge.

Phil and I at the Poplar Lodge.

Me at the beginning of the hike down to the base of the DuPont National State Park Falls (some of them at least).

The falls from afar.

The base of the falls.

With Kasey Kahne at the Klub Picnic.

With Kasey in the infield of Lowes Motor Speedway.

The group with David Gilliland before the race.

No, there aren't any photos of the Summit for me to display. Sorry to disappoint, but the one photo I do have isn't very appealing. I wouldn't want to turn any of my readers into vegetarians. ;)

Until next time ... GO SOX!

Give me a J, give me an O, give me a B

2007-10-01T00:05:00.000-04:00

Here it is folks. September’s Blog. I know it’s sad that I’ve gone down to a blog a month, but let me tell you that this one is well worth the wait. As most of you know I have been working at a local non-profit as a volunteer coordinator. Although that job is for a noble cause, a few weeks ago I was asked to join the marketing team of an internationally known business. I accepted. From this point on I will be learning about all things related to food. This could mean one of two things: my blog entries increase due to the new journey I will embark on, or they could stay the same with monthly highlights. I’m not sure which. I suppose it will be a surprise for all of us.

With that said, let’s look at September’s highlight’s:
Errr, perhaps I should say “highlight”. In any event, this month brought about many changes, the new job, a new hair cut, and a new dining room. When we moved into our little house it was full of periwinkle colored walls. That is all about to change. We started working on the dining room, that had a two-toned periwinkle look on the walls and the ceiling. To update this room, Phil and I chose a bold color that would stand out and add a little “umph” to our home. This look took a single coat of primer, three coats of the new color “Old Burgundy”, and three coats of “Caribbean Walk” on the ceiling and the molding. I could have found at least 30 better things to do with two consecutive weekends, but it was worth the effort.

Before

After

To come:
The first week of October will be an interesting one. Mid-week I will be attending the Oklahoma Beef Summit (for work) where I will fabricate a carcass. That’s right a carcass. For those of you who are not aware of the terminology: fabricate roughly means butcher. I may or may not become a vegetarian after this week. Wish me luck!

Long overdue

2007-08-05T20:43:00.000-04:00

After a long break I am back ... for now. I'm not sure how long this next stint of blogging will last for, but in my defense I've been terribly busy. In any event, this will be my last post as a 27 year old. At least I'm pretty sure it will be. Let me tell you, 27 has been a long and bumpy ride. Here's to hoping for smooth sailing 28. ;)

Update: last week we went to see The Format in Tulsa at a little event called DFest. The "D" is short for Diversity. Anywho it was a blasty-blast. Steel Train and Limbeck opened the show and let me tell you, although they were good, they couldn't get off the stage fast enough. Oh, and a guy (I presume was filling in as back-up for Limbeck) looked just like my little brother. Well, my little brother with a fro. I had a spot right next to the stage (slightly behind the speaker as to keep my hearing for another 28 years) and this kid was doing his thing right in front of me. The whole time I was thinking "Andrew?" Yes, I would be surprised if my brother ended up in Tulsa and didn't call me first.

So, The Format. Nate, Sam, Mike, Izard, and Don were spot on as usual. And Nate is right, Toco really is the best Merch guy ever. I sat there going through shirts that were way too big for me and he gave me great instructions on how to shrink one to fit my petiteness. I already had one Format shirt, but it's signed by Nate and I don't like to wear it too much for fear that washing will somehow ruin the signature. The highlight of the evening was meeting Nate for the second time. He is so good to his fans ... even at 2 a.m.

Tulsa is really a beautiful city. Our hotel was a little far from "stuff" but it was by far the best hotel in Tulsa ... well, except all of the performers were staying there and we heard an impromptu 4 a.m. concert down the hall. The best restaurants are located close to the Utica Square area and most are within walking distance to various shops and galleries. For anyone planning on a trip to Tulsa, Kilkenny's is an amazing Irish Pub. They have all of the standard Irish favorites and an atmosphere that makes you feel like you are in Dublin. The Guinness concoctions are out of this world. We also dined at Flemings Steakhouse. The steaks were delish and the wine flights offer a variety of palate pleasing flavors. Everything at Flemings is a la carte, so be prepared to spend at least $100 per couple. Let me reiterate though: It's worth it!

Until next time.
-L

Ready. Set. Hold on.

2007-06-01T21:53:00.000-04:00

We're here! We're here! We finally made it.

After a long 9 hour drive from San Antonio and a long wait for our belongings, we are moved in ... well, for the most part. We still have one room without a whole lot in it. The good news with that is we can buy new furniture to suit our needs. The bad news is that we have to buy new furniture. Such is life. For now the living room is the computer room. A very large computer room ... especially since we currently only need room for our laptops.

Speaking of computers, our movers decided to play a few rounds of kickball with our iMac and then leave it in an unairconditioned storage facility for 4 months. Now the hard drive is toast. Literally. So I have lost about 90% of my contact information and other miscellaneous files. In other words, if you are reading this blog and I know you, I probably need to get your contact information sent over via e-mail. So please, bring on the e-mails. I promise to back-up this time.

We have also purchased a new puppy since the move here. She is a pure bred Golden Retriever (just like our Zoe) and a pain in the ass. We named her Zima since we have a thing for "Z" names. This, however, may have been a mistake since Zoe finds it necessary to come when we call Zima. The poor puppy will never know which name is really hers.

Without further ado, here are some photos of the new puppy and of my mom's and Izzy's trip here last week.
Enjoy.

Zima gives Zoe a little friendly competition

Zima LOVES the camera

Family Photo in front of the new house

The puppies and I in front of the new house

Mom, Izzy, and I at the Elephant Bar

My mom and I. Say Cheese!

Mom, Izzy, and I in the back yard

Izzy and I goofing around

Philly and I cooking up something good for Mom and Izzy

Fin!

No Phone.

2007-05-10T00:32:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note ~

The move is on and I'm not exactly sure when we will be back in business as far as the internet goes. Wish us luck!

~ Laura

Where have all the comments gone?

2007-05-02T23:30:00.000-04:00

Here we are again ... another slump in the blogging ritual of me. To be honest my readers do have a part to play in my lack of blogging. Hello??? Where have all my commentators gone? Perhaps you're confused with the latest changes. Allow me to break it down for you:

Speak to me = Comment.
Word = One person has commented. Read it and leave your own comment.
They have spoken = multiple people have commented. Read them and leave your own.

Any questions?

Wednesdays News:
• We officially closed on our new home.
• Moving shall commence soon. More details to come.
• I've been doing the Self Challenge for 2.25 months. I've stopped logging all of my progress and such on the web site and I don't think I've lost any weight. It irritates the crap out of me. Plus, I'm super hungry with all of the extra cardio and reduction in calories. Also, the diet is not made for people who are picky eaters. Sorry, but I only eat certain veggies, fruits, etc. I can't get into an all fruit breakfast or having salads everyday for lunch. I've varied my personal menus according to their specifications, but I've run out of ideas. I'm going to stick with the Challenge until the 3 months are up, but I plan on stepping it up a notch and adding in my own exercises.
• Tonight's episode of "Lost" was interesting/annoying. Okay, maybe it's more on the annoying side. But I can't stop watching! Who else is thinking they are in the Bermuda Triangle? Why does Locke want to be with the Others and why has Jack turned into such an (insert choice noun here)?

Okay, the last tid bit wasn't really "news" but neither is Britney's recent boob flash and that ended up on the tube.

To end this little blurb I have a question of etiquette:
When two couples go out to dinner and decide they would like to get together again, who's responsible for making it happen? The couple who initiated the first dining experience or the other couple? Discuss.

Talk to me.

2007-04-12T15:39:00.000-04:00

Here it is, just another lazy day in April. For this installment of my life, I thought I would share my recipe for a delightful chicken salad and also, share a photo of my new dining room table (sans chairs). I know. It is terribly exciting.

Laura’s Colossal Chicken Salad

INGREDIENTS
4 slices thin cut chicken breast
½ cup diced onion
⅓ cup sliced almonds
2 tsp each of: salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika, cilantro, and natures seasoning
1 ½ tbsp of Hellmans Mayo
½ - 1 cup of fat free plain yogurt (will vary depending on your preferred consistency)
2 tsp of spicy brown mustard
Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)

DIRECTIONS
Coat the bottom of a large pan with EVOO. Put half of seasonings (omitting the natures seasoning) on the chicken. Put chicken in the pan (seasoned side down) and add the other half of the seasonings (again, omitting the natures seasoning) on the exposed side of the chicken. Turn the burner on to medium-high. Cook both sides of the chicken until golden brown (about 5 minutes on each side) with a nice white center (test by cutting into your thickest cut of meat).

Cut chicken into bite sized pieces and place in a medium-mixing bowl. Add your wet ingredients (mayo, mustard, and yogurt) and mix thoroughly. Then add the onion, almonds, and natures seasoning. Cover and let refrigerate for 1 hour (or more) before serving.

I like to have my chicken salad over a bed of lettuce and with a little fresh grated parmesan. Yum!

I've been asked to post a picture of my lovely new dining room set. Unfortunately, it is all packed away so I have to post a picture from the web. It doesn't matter. It's still a great set and it sits 6-8 people (depending on whether the extension is in place or not). Without further ado, here it is:

Have a Happy Thursday! And please, if you comment leave a name!

Goodbye Kurt

2007-04-12T15:33:00.000-04:00

Yesterday famed and inspired author Kurt Vonnegut died. Today we say goodbye and hope that this will bring a new generation of young readers who will absorb Mr. Vonnegut's words of wisdom and social parody. If you haven't yet, go out and buy a copy of "Slaughterhouse-Five". You won't regret it.

Seriously.

2007-04-02T00:50:00.000-04:00

Whomever decided that joy is the feeling toward homeownership never actually went through the process of purchasing a house. This has been a hair-pulling fiasco. I don't know how so many military couples cope through the various moves and homes they go through during a 10-20 year contract term. Phil and I have only been at this for (almost) 6 years and it never seems to get any easier. This, however, is the first time we have purchased a home. For the last 5 years he and I have been happy home renters, but lately we felt as though we were missing a step in our relationship. Some people think that step is a baby (sorry, it's not going to happen any time soon). We felt that the particular step we were missing was that of home ownership. Here we are. We have finally advanced to the next level and that is: more taxes. Ahhh. Such is life.

On other fronts, the Self Challenge has been, well, challenging. Phil, Zoe, and I have been running/walking 3 times a week for at least 45 minutes. I have shin splints and excruciating leg pain. I keep hoping that this will get easier, but it seems as though it just gets harder to gain the stamina I need to keep up with the three days of cardio and three days of weight training. I can't imagine what I'm going to feel like once I start working 40 hours a week.

For those of you keeping up, I am currently knee deep in the ellusive job search. (Here on to be referred to as "Job Hunt 07" or "JH 07".) In any event, the hunt is going to say the least. I hope that after the relocation is over with I will be able to give advice to others about finding a job in a different state. Until then if anyone else has some hints please let me know.

My last topic of the day is about furniture. Phil and I have more space than furniture in our new home. Even though we aren't moving for a month, we felt the need to check out our furniture options here in Texas because it would give us time to debate on the perfect dining room table, living room furniture, etc. Our journey led us to Cost Plus World Market (worldmarket.com). For those of you who have been to WM you know how easy it is to get lost in the sea of unique paintings, aromatic candles, and divine wine collections. In short, we spent a good couple of hours (over a period of 3 days) perusing the store. They have some wonderful items on sale, including their furniture. Some pieces are 45% off of the original cost (this applies to the dining room sets). In any event, we purchased a lovely 7 piece dining room set in antique black. By the way, if you want a good workout, buy a dining room set and then move it upstairs with your husband. To air on the side of safety, make sure there are no sharp instruments or animals nearby. And don't wear flip flops. Falling upstairs can happen and it hurts.

What came first?

2007-03-29T21:54:00.000-04:00

Today I thought I would talk about my least favorite meal of the day, but the most important one: Breakfast. Don't get me wrong I love breakfast, however, I cannot stand the massive amounts of tempting foods presented before me every morning. From bagels to french toast I love it all. Unfortunately, I do not have a private trainer who will be there to snatch the extra cream cheese out of my hand and then immediately put me on a treadmill for intense training, so I have to maintain a healthy morning regimen. With the new workout (which includes weight training) I find it necessary to include protein into all of my meals. Plain eggs can be boring at times and not very filling, so I came up with my own recipe to spice up my morning ritual.

I call this one:
The Perfect Omelette (although perfection is in the eyes, or tummy, of the beholder)

Main Ingredients:
2 large eggs
4-6 dashes of hot sauce (I prefer Cholula)
1/2 tsp skim milk
1-2 tbls of crumbled feta cheese
2 tsp natures seasoning
1 tsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)
Pam (or cooking spray of your choice)

Extras:
2 tbls sauteed onion (white)
sauteed mushrooms (to your liking)
1 tbls sauteed green pepper

*Note: I usually only add in the onion. These are not the only extras that can be added into this meal, they are however, some of the healthiest ones.

Directions:
1. Saute your extras in the EVOO (you may want to add more EVOO to the veggies depending on the quantity)

2. Put eggs, hot sauce, milk, & seasoning in a bowl and beat until mixed thoroughly

3. Add your extras to the bowl and beat into the mixture

4. Spray Pam into a 10" pan making sure to coat the bottom

5. Add mixture to pan and set the burner to medium heat

6. Once the eggs start to solidify add desired amount of feta cheese

7. Fold egg mixture over to one side to create your omlette making sure to cook through (no one wants a case of salmonella, especially not first thing in the morning)

8. Enjoy!

There's no place like ...

2007-03-26T16:43:00.000-04:00

HOME! After a very hectic and long weekend Phil and I found a house we love. The house went under contract yesterday and we plan on closing April 30. This is all very exciting, frustrating, and scary.

The drive to Oklahoma was what some would call comical and others would call a nightmare. The 8 hour drive turned into a 13 hour drive after being stuck in traffic for 1.) A semi that broke down in the middle of the interstate 2). A woman who was hit by a car on the interstate 3.) Fort Worth rush hour 4.) Road contstruction and finally 5.) A major car accident that required a helicopter to land on the interstate. So when we finally arrived at the base hotel (at 11:30 p.m.) we were exhasted. Little did we know there was a 6th surprise for us: when we walked into our room we noticed it was a bit warm. The thermostat was not working so Phil went to the front office to ask about getting a different room. To his (and my) dismay, the desk clerk (who was a very nice older woman) said, "Oh, dear there is no air conditioning in these old buildings." Yah.

The day of house hunting was a bit long and boring. Once we were done looking at homes we nulled over the 3 we found to be most suitable. One was brand new (still under construction) but in a horrible neighborhood. The other was in an okay neighborhood, but needed lots of extra work for the price. The one we finally went with is a classic 57 year old home. Everything is traditional from the hardwood floors to the brick exterior. As soon as I walked into this home I was in love. It's charm is only one of it's many qualities although it is the most important one. Simply put, this is more than a house it's a home.

We quickly put down a bid and went out to dinner. Right before dinner we were told that the first bid was rejected and we quickly countered. They, however, were not so quick to get back to us so Phil and I called it a night with some cocktails at a local hotspot we used to visit during pilot training. We went back to our room early to get some rest before our big drive back to Texas. We got our 7th surprise at 4 a.m. when the train came. It sounded as though it was coming into our room ... and neither of us could get right back to bed. Let's put it this way, if I am about to get hit by a train in the future I will know how loud it can get before I need to jump out of the way.

The drive home started off a little rough. Things started looking up when we heard back that the sellers had a counter offer. We haggled over the phone for a while and agreed on a price before we even got to Oklahoma City. We were (are) both ecstatic. Unfortunately it didn't make the drive go by any faster.

To conclude this very long blog, I'm posting photos of our new digs. (Note: the stuff inside obviously isn't ours.) Enjoy!

Front of the House

Living Room

Family Room

Kitchen

Breakfast Nook

Master Bedroom

Guest Bedroom

Guest Bath

Dining Room

Florida Room / Sunroom

Backyard

Sleepy in San Antonio

2007-03-16T02:07:00.000-04:00

Well, it's nice to see I have some readers! If anything, at least I have a reader ... even if it is a relative. ;) Things are slow here in the great state of Texas. My mother and sister-in-law just left and we are getting back to our normal routine (whatever that is). In any event, here are a few photos from last weekend with the in-laws. Enjoy!

Phil, Meg and I at the Alamo.

Meg and I at the back of the Alamo

Phil and I sitting in a wishing well at the Natural Bridge Caverns

Me inside the cavern. No my eyes normally aren't that wide. That's what a bright flash in a very dark cave will do to you.

Meg, Donna and I inside the cavern.

The Natural Bridge.

The next two photos are great cavern shots. It was unbelievable in there!

Phil sifting for gold.

Phil with the bag of dirt.

Other news:
Phil and I will be traveling to Oklahoma next weekend to do some serious house hunting. We'll see if any of the houses we've been looking at online are worth purchasing or if we'll end up renters once again. Wish us luck!!!

Chicken and such

2007-03-15T21:53:00.000-04:00

It has almost been three weeks since I started my new hobbies. I have still gotten nowhere with the knitting. I have a feeling that I will be struggling with that for a while. In any event, I am into my third week of the Self Challenge (which is still going on and can be signed up for on Self.com). I've actually been doing a good job keeping up with the challenge as a whole and the only real complication is the menu design. So far I haven't made a single item they suggest. Instead I make my own menu. Perhaps this is cheating just a little bit, but I've stayed within the alloted caloric intake and I've cut out all items made with enriched wheat. Phil and I have even been making our own treats and desserts so we know exactly what is in the food we eat.

To answer a question posed to me in one of my comments ... errr, actually my only comment on this blog ... I usually stick with using thin filets of chicken breast. The only seasoning I use before the cooking process begins (usually) is ground sea salt and ground peppercorn. Some of my recipes call for other seasonings, but I have been trying to stay away from adding too much extra salt, just one quick pinch of sea salt over each piece of chicken is as far as I go.

Here's a good quick Asian Recipe that I use when cooking either chicken or beef strips. The recipe listed here is what I use for chicken. I normally have other/different additives for the steak.

Laura's Quick Teriyaki
Chicken:
4-6 pieces of chicken sliced thin, then cut into strips
1 tsp ground sea salt (or table salt)
1 tsp ground black peppercorn (or black pepper)
1/4 cup white onion (chopped)
1 clove garlic (minced)
2 tsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil (which I refer to as EVOO)
Fresh Red Pepper (sliced)
Steamed brocolli (optional)

Sauce:
1/2 cup low sodium teriyaki (Aloha brand is the best, but others are fine)
1/4 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup water
1 tsp crushed red pepper (more if you like it spicy)
2 tsp ground ginger
2 tsp corn starch

Cooking Directions:
Sprinkle chicken with the salt and pepper. Put EVOO in deep cold skillet making sure to coat bottom of pan. Add your chicken strips. Cook on Med-High for roughly 10 minutes or until a light brown (making sure to cook all sides of the chicken). I tend to add my onion, garlic, and sliced red pepper towards the end of the ten minutes, before I add my sauce. While your chicken is cooking, mix up the ingredients for your sauce. I find it's best to start with your water and corn starch (to allow the starch to dissolve). Once the chicken is a golden brown add the sauce mixure and the brocolli. Reduce heat to Med-Low and cook for another 5 minutes.

I usually serve this with a brown rice, but Phil isn't a fan of brown rice so I'll divvy it up between that, white rice, and a healthier version of fried rice we came up with after a visit to Benihana's.

Woo!

I'll finish up this post by updating on my favorite hobby: reading for fun! So far I've made a huge dent on Tim Dorsey's work. I've been reading it in chronological order (which is painful, because the story line doesn't follow as such, but Mr. Dorsey requests that it be read that way ... I'm sure I'll figure out why one day) and I am finally up to Stingray Shuffle. I bought that and Cadillac Beach today in the hopes that I might make it through both by the end of next weekend. Serge is my new all time favorite character (although Carl Hiaasen's Mick Stranahan is a close second). Dorsey sells his stuff on his web site and one day I will finally give in and get my Serge's Florida Experience shirt. In any event, Hiaasen's and Dorsey's books are perfect for the person who wants to learn their Florida history, but doesn't want to be bothered by the boring books. Personally, I can't wait to get my hands on "The Tropic of Cracker: The Florida History and Cultural Series" and "Seasons of Real Florida".

All my ex's

2007-03-04T23:27:00.000-05:00

Well, not all of them. Errr, actually none of them live in Texas, but I do for now. I have been here for 2 month and I have to tell you, I'm not all that impressed . . . at least not with the food. It appears that fast food is the life blood of the community here. Those of my fellow Floridians and Californians know that health food is as prevalent in those states as the McDonald's are, but that can not be said of Texas; at least not San Antonio. Needless to say, most of my lunches are made at home and it is getting to be a bit boring. I miss Fresh Choice and Plutos! At this point I would give anything to find a local Ruby Tuesdays just for their salad bar.

Now that I am 2 months into my "vacation" I can honestly say that I have become quite addicted to watching television once again. It appears as though the average housewife either has too much time on her hands or has way more to accomplish than I do during the average work week. Either way, I am about to go out of my mind. Luckily we only have 2 months left here, then off to a place where I can officially get back to the grind of life (AKA work). Which leads me to our new goal: finding a home we love and in the area we want to live in . . . which is difficult in a small town in the heart of Oklahoma. Ah, ladies and gentlemen; let the games begin!

Graduation Baby!

2006-12-23T14:51:00.000-05:00

It finally happened! I graduated! I would like to take a moment to thank all of the people who made this possible. First and foremost my husband Phil, without your help and support I would not have been able to work as hard as I did. I owe my 3.5 to you! To my mom, who stood behind me every step of the way and never lost faith in me; and to my brother and sister, I hope you both attend college and graduate, I know you can do it. To my friends, we've laughed and cried together. Without you all I would be half the person I am today.

In any event, here are some photos for your enjoyment:

Cheers everyone!

Phil and I celebrating with a little bubbly.

Estela and I celebrating before graduation.

Why not?

Estela glueing on my star.

Me and my blue star. :)

With some of my favorite people before graduation.

The All Stars before graduation! Laura, Angela, and Estela

Commencement Begins!

Can you find me? Two hints: The blue star and I'm in the row behind the guy with the blue lights.

A birds eye view.

Kelly, Angela, and Kaylee! Check out the great shirts!

I love these girls!!!

Me by the tree. Graduation and Christmas! Yay!

Zoe-fuss and I after graduation.

When I grow up

2006-12-15T00:31:00.000-05:00

I think that growing up was supposed to happen a long time ago. Unfortunately, I think that I needed my time to be a kid (hence, the extensive run at school and my reluctance to leave). Yet, everyone has a time in their lives that they need to buck up and accept the fact that we aren't getting any younger. And I realized, with a little help from some of my students, that the time is now. Life is way too short. I presume I should enjoy my 20's before I hit my 30's. Uggg.

It is imperative that I make this one point clear, growing up entails many things. Some of which include, but are not exclusive to: Recognizing your own short comings, being able to pick out toxic people in your life, and knowing when you need to step up to the plate, even if it's for someone else. I believe that 2007 will be a year of radical change and I, for one, can not wait.

On other topics, I will miss so many things about being in college. What I'll miss the most are my students:

But I'll miss all of the friends I have made as well.

College has had its ups and downs but in the end, when I walk across that stage in a week, I will be so proud of my accomplishments. 2007 will truly be a different year.

How about them apples?

2005-12-02T02:31:00.000-05:00

The countdown ensues. I have 11 days until the movers come and 17 days until I physically leave for the sunshine (otherwise known as plywood) state. I am excited and nervous and a little bit afraid of the oncoming weeks. It's hard to imagine such a drastic change in your life. Perhaps it will be fine and no one will be the wiser. Although I have the sinking suspicion that it is going to be the toughest thing I have had to do in my 26 years of existence. Many people have their own opinions as to what they think happened, but in truth, only two people know what is was exactly. You can only explain so much. Even with all of the explaining, you can never describe the feelings you have in the pit of your stomach. (I say, in your stomach, because that is where my heart currently resides.) It is an everyday reminder that these fluid emotions are travelers of the body and mind. And sometimes, we can not help where these nomads will dwell next. On a good day I will feel blessed to know that I have friends and family out there who support me and will hold my hand as my wounds heal. The bad days, on the other hand, are just that. On those days I feel empty, hollow. Those are the days where my mind will not rest and my heart feels as though it will stop beating. I know those days are temporary, but they still exist and they make me feel weak. I am not alone, yet I am lonely. Yes, the countdown ensues and I, the keeper of that time, am petrified.

Bordom

2005-10-14T19:47:00.000-04:00

In class and bored out of my mind. We have been working on website critiques and I am done. I want to go home!!! I'm thinking of joining Miss Tiner in the revolt against MySpace. I've been trying to log on for the past few hours and have gotten nowhere. Damn you MySpace and your addictive qualities!

Pictures and updates to come!

If the shoe fits.

2005-09-16T02:25:00.000-04:00

This should be on the other shoe, but no one reads that anyway. I made Alyson do it, and now I have to follow suit. I'd like to have alot of people do this, but since I only know Amanda and Aly on this thing, it's all up to Amanda.

Leave me a comment and I will respond to the following for you, about you.

1. I’ll respond with a random thought I have about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think.)
5. I’ll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog

The other side of the quad.

2005-09-15T00:27:00.000-04:00

Today was a typical Wednesday. Thankfully this is the last day of the week that requires waking up at 5:30 a.m. My students were none too happy with me today. Apparently they don't want to have to do any work in this Learning Community. It's a scavenger hunt. It will take you 20 minutes. Do it. Once again I ask, "Was I really 18 at one time?"

Today was the best lunch I've had in a while. I purchased this weird sandwich at the French Cafe (I'm using the term "cafe" loosely) and met Krystal and Brett outside for a spring time picnic out in the quad. During our lunch, I made a comment about Krystal's phone and that I think a friend of mine has one similar to it. I also mentioned that he put his in his mouth one day (while we were on the phone with each other) and said that it sounded like I was in his head. Of course, Krystal had to try:

Step One: Insert your phone at an angle.

Step Two: Place the phone horizontally in your mouth.

I didn't act quick enough to catch Step Three: Spit the phone back out before everyone on campus sees you performing either step. Brett actually put his phone in his mouth too, but the camera was not in reaching distance to catch the "phone in mouth" craze. I love my friends! Mwaaa!

Long live picnic day and posing like retards. Notice the lovely color of Miss Krystal's shirt: According to http://www.anti-squirrel.com/index.html, squirrels are afraid of Milano Red. Believe it or not, this was the first outdoor lunch I've had where I was not approached by a squirrel. Good looking out anti-squirrel.com.

Thank you Nina Simone

2005-09-13T00:49:00.000-04:00

These lyrics have been running through my head most of the night:

"Birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel. Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me and I'm feeling good."

I've also had Maroon 5's "Secret" in my head all day today. I can't get enough of that damn song. It's like crack for the ears. I can literally listen to this song over and over again! Hmmm. Good stuff. It really amazes me how you can live out certain scenario's through music. All good of course. Yippee!

I forgot to take a moment to congratulate Alyson on her garage sale and possible purchase of a new or gently used bike. You're my hero girl! Go show those boys what's up! :) Call me later and we'll make plans for when I come down!

Welcome to my world.

2005-09-12T17:38:00.000-04:00

This blog is about my extremely dull day:

Today was one big hassle. To start, I woke up 15 minutes before I had to leave the house for school. Needless to say, I missed my first peer mentoring class (it's at 7:30 a.m.), but was too early for my official first class of the day (at 9:00 a.m.). I spent the hour chugging my nonfat latte, eating a breakfast bar, listening to my i-pod and writing in my journal (for the things I feel uncomfortable blogging about). The River Front Market was sooooo quiet this morning. Had it not been for my i-pod I would have fallen asleep. In any event I make it to my first class, Images of America, and realized that I did not do my reading for the day on Mary Rowlandson. I think my initial reaction was F@*#! It turns out that we spent so much time analyzing the Europeans influence and destruction on/of Native Americans that we never made it to the autobiography. Thank God!

At 10:00 I have absolutely nothing to do except run errands throughout the campus. Which leads me to my 11:00 class - Coms Research Methods (aka Statistics for Comms majors). We never make it through the agenda for that class because this 40 year old woman who is in the course asks the same questions over and over again. If you want to see 130 college students get angry, throw in a non-traditional student who wants everything explained 10 different ways with 10 different examples. We are never going to make it through all of the subject matter before the final.

By noon I am starving and still have a plethora of errands to run. It is a blessing to have a mail shop that offers fax service at school. I had to pay $4 to fax 3 sheets, but it's worth it to get it all done in one place.

I have the rest of the day to plan for Mentor meetings, study groups and outings (if I can ever get the professors involved). I had planned on going back to the school to swim, but I don't feel like driving all the way back over the causeway to do laps. I'll save that for Wednesday. See, I'm doing the swimming thing for 2 reasons: 1. I am training to swim at least 500 yards continuously and 2. Swimming is a complete body toner and cardio in one. Yippee! I love hitting 2 birds with one stone! (Not literally, I am a friend to the animals ... Unless they piss in my garage and eat through cords. Then all bets are off.)

Just.

2005-09-11T03:13:00.000-04:00

My last blog was about time. I honestly can't wait for the time to go by. I can't type the reason why in my blog, but those of you who know me know why. This must be the most hideous semester yet. I'm not really into any of my courses and I can't seem to make myself stay focused on the task at hand. My heart isn't in this, it is somewhere else completely. Yes, it may sound ridiculous to say that you need your heart in matters of education, but for me, my education is something I really care about. I just need December to be here, after that I will be fine. I know where I need to be, I just need to get there.

Let me introduce Taco. Taco showed up on my doorstep last weekend and successfully made me hate him and any dog of his kind.

Taco managed to end up at the house at around 11:00 on Sunday night without a collar. So Taco stayed in the garage for the evening (it's a "he" by the way and we weren't too sure of the interactions he and Zoe would have). The next morning Taco managed to have peed on everything in the garage and as an extra added bonus he chewed through the wires connecting the garage door with the sensors. So the garage refused to function normally. This is the thanks you get for helping out an animal in need. Grrrr.

More adventures to come ... keep up with the comments! I love them!

You are here. No! Over there.

2005-09-04T00:39:00.000-04:00

It's funny when you look at your life and wonder where all of the time went. I've been reflecting over the past view days. Mostly I've been doing this in between classes, but there are the few occasions where I have been caught doing this at home. Life is a tricky tricky thing. Most of the time we are busy making decisions only to wonder if they were the right decisions to make in the first place. Why do we second guess ourselves? I know I don't do it often, but when I do it leaves me feeling unsure of myself. The worst is when you realize why you second guessed yourself, especially when it seems too late to do anything about it.

On to other matters: Red Eye a review. This movie wasn't as bad as I thought it might be (the only Wes Craven film I have enjoyed was "The People Under the Stairs" and I was so young when I saw it that I could hate it now). Rachel McAdams is pretty convincing as Lisa, but I have decided that I do not care for Cillian Murphy. He just creeps me out. Yes, he is epycre (pronounced "eepy cray). Cillian must be a horrible person in real life because he plays one so well. The movie is a little predictable, but if you are in the mood for a moderate thriller then go catch this flick.

In any event, this week has been rather hectic. The first week of school is always trying. There is so much to accomplish: Finding your classes, purchasing books, deciding if the professor is a complete dick, figuring out when you have time to eat . . . Yes, the first week (or two) can often be a big, fat pain in the ass. I don't think that having class from 9 am to 6:30 pm on Friday was a wise move on my part, but the class looks like so much fun! Let's hope that it actually is as entertaining as I envision it to be. I think what made this week so difficult was trying to help 50 freshmen who don't want my help. This peer mentoring thing may be the second (possibly third) worst mistake I've made in my 26 years on this earth. I don't know how I thought I would be able to educate a bunch of 18 year olds about college when I am still learning as well. Oh God, and there is this one boy who has a crush on me and is very blatant about it! I'm a little worried about the meeting I have to have with him. Oh, yes how could I forget, I made a complete ass out of myself this past Wednesday. When am I going to learn that I am not cool and should not try to act as though I am! Thank God I wasn't wearing my glasses! It could have been so much worse. The best part of the week was in the parking structure (only true friends will understand this). I was approaching Parking Structure 1 when I heard a very loud car alarm go off. This is what went on in my head: "Helloooooo. I'm a caaar. Gasoline makes me run. Back seat. Trunk space. Helloooooo. Let's go for a riiiiide. Oil is my blood. Seat belts. Radio knobs." Damn that Dane Cook! He IS a silly bastard!

Where am I again?

2005-08-27T22:27:00.000-04:00

There are times when I feel as though I am in a parallel universe in which my life is not really my life. It's hard to explain such a universe, but I believe it exists. Where am I now? I have no idea. I'm actually just winging it. It's tough to know what you want, but not know what is the best way to get there. Life is complicated. When I was younger, I never imagined myself encountering the issues I have now as an adult. Being a grown-up is not as fun as I had envisioned. In fact, it is a pain in the ass. When you're a kid, all you have to do is think about yourself. Now you have to account for every individual you will impact with a decision or indecision. When did it become so damn tough? I'm not complaining (at least for the most part) because I know what I want now and who I want to be. These are things that I wasn't exactly sure of 5 or 6 years ago. It's just the thought of what may lie around the next obstacle that alludes me. Where is that crystal ball when you need it?

So, I have had a few difficult decisions to make lately (specifically between yesterday and today). I think I chose the right path for me, but doubt always lies behind every decision we make. For me, I would feel remiss if I did not try. I'll leave it at that.

So on my way to the Village Bakery (where I get my pizza) I noticed a restaurant that has been in the same place since I have lived in Davis, but I never actually paid any attention to. This restaurant's name is (and I am not kidding): Pasta? Yes, with the ? in the title. Just Pasta? So are they unsure about serving pasta there? Are they playing little games? Let's make them think we serve pasta ... And then hit them with Steak and Potatoes. And when you ask friends to meet you there, how do you say the name? Do you say the word pasta as though it were a question? Or do you say Pasta Questionmark?

I have some more blogs posted on The Other Shoe. So if you're interested in my preference for French Onion soup over Chicken Noodle, take a gander!

Warning! Lots o' pictures!

2005-08-21T17:49:00.000-04:00

I have finally made it back from the State of North Carolina. On the trip I took about 67 pictures. Yes, 67 pictures. Here are a few for your viewing enjoyment:

A Turkey Sculpture in someone's front lawn.

Thunderstorms on our way into Charlotte.

Welcome to Asheville! I have no idea how people take so many pictures of signs. This was a pain in the ass!

The driveway to Donna's house in Flat Rock. I figured no one would truly believe me, but this is where I stayed after my small stint in Charlotte.

Donna's backyard.

Me canoeing in Donna's backyard. It was my first time in a canoe.

Donna and Phil at the Flat Rock Playhouse where we saw "Children of Eden."

The Strickland Family at the Flat Rock Playhouse.

Phil and I at the Flat Rock Playhouse.

Bath time Megan.

Megan and I drinking at Hannah Flanagins.

Me in front of the Biltmore House. This was my favourite part of the trip. I adore the craftsmanship that went into the architecture and design of the Vanderbilt Estate.

The next best thing to the house is the winery!

The front of the Biltmore.

The front porch.

Another view of the front porch.

An exterior view of the staircase.

The mansion is lined with gargoyles. These are just a few that I captured. Unfortunately you can not take photos inside the house, although, that may be a good thing. I took a total of 21 photos of the houses' exterior. I can't imagine how many I would have snapped off on the inside!

For more photos of my trip, e-mail me and I will send you a link to my photo album on-line.

In a fit of joy

2005-08-12T22:34:00.000-04:00

It's official! I am no longer an employee at the Dixon Tribune. It was a little sad to leave. I took a picture of my desk right before I left.

I should have taken a photo before I took all of my stuff down. Oh, well. Goodbye desk. We had good times.

Sharon, Laura and Sarah. We weren't ready for the picture, so we all looked really serious.

Us again. This time Sarah's eyes were closed. She hates being in photos so she wouldn't do another one. (Please note: My hair is shorter ... Feel free to comment.)

All in all it was a good 2+ years. I had lots of good times, good experience and a kick ass portfolio with recommendation letter. I actually saved some of my stuff in Acrobat Reader so I can e-mail my portfolio (instead of making copies for every job I apply for). I'd like to say that I am prepared for my future, but you really can't plan for everything. Like Jem says, "I just wish I had a crystal ball, to show me if it's worth it all." Let's just say I am well equipped.

Tomorrow I leave for North Carolina. Hopefully I won't be eaten by a bear or fall off a mountain. Pray for me. This would not be the time to be clumbsy ... "Hey! Look down there ... oh noooooooooooo (trails off)!" Zoe's a little pissed that we're leaving. Most people say that they know because they can sense how their animal feels. I know because this is what I came home to today:

She only drinks when she's upset. Poor girl. There's no bar at the kennel. Better pack some airplane bottles in with your biscuits.

Until later ...

That'll be about 15 minutes

2005-08-09T23:27:00.000-04:00

There are very few things I hate more than waiting. Lately, I have been waiting for that return e-mail, for my last day of work, for this icky feeling in my throat to go away. I feel like I have been awaiting something my entire life. The sensation in your body is horrifying as you sit and wonder how long it is going to be. There are some things we know will eventually come. At some point my sore throat will diminish and I will ultimately reach my last day at the office. I don't know if the e-mail will come or if my message will be heard and reciprocated. Amongst my waiting, I often wonder how many people are biding for me. Am I missing some piece of a puzzle that will surface as long as I keep waiting? If we are all a part of this crazy mystery, will we ever be able to solve it without abiding each other or will we be forever lost in a sea of confusion?

As I walk through my own existence, I feel that without a certain amount of communication, I am lost in this world. I need to have the security of knowledge. This cognizance is what keeps my blood pumping through my veins. For me, information comes in all forms, and most often it creeps in through my modem and spills onto my computer screen. When I am taken away from this machine I cannot function normally. When my ability to access the world through my fingers is taken away I am delayed immediate access to what I need and what I want. I do not wish to linger in my sense of doubt. For that is what I ultimately feel when I am left to wait.

Why do we attend to each other as we do? Surely it would be easier to saunter through life on our own. The weights we place on each other are burdensome and unnecessary, but the fulfillment we gain from each other has no set value. People need each other; we thrive off of the energy each one of us holds. The waiting is all part of the mystery; that mystery keeps us alive and entertained. It is a struggle to feel held down by time and the decisions made in that time. The gift is the way we chose to handle the time in between the waiting. In the end, we are all waiting for something; why not let the moments that have been fulfilled over compensate the ones that have not.

The Birthday

2005-08-08T17:13:00.000-04:00

Well, my 26th birthday has come and gone. Here are a few pictures from the day and one from my day before celebration!

Phil and I at The Melting Pot in Sacramento the day before.

Lindsay and I at Ink on my birthday.

Phil and I at Ink on my birthday.

The group at Ink. Me, Karen, Lindsay, Jett, Trisha, Emily and Chad. We had lots of drinks!

The day was spent at IKEA and the night was spent eating and drinking. I learned that I am a horrible darts player ... Although I was on my 5th cocktail by the time we started to play. Maybe that had something to do with it. In any event, it was a good time. Next year YOU need to be there. Yes, you.

Limit me not.

2005-08-04T21:39:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how life twists and turns. We come in and go out. Friendships disappear, change, morph into something new or better. Humans are fickle creatures. My dog Zoe will be faithful until the end of time as long as you give her love and plenty of steak, but people are not so easy to appease. I bring this up simply because I am reflecting on my own life and the changes I have made through-out the years. In a few days I will be a year older and perhaps a bit wiser.

I am surprised how I have come full circle. See, in a way, I have changed considerably. When I was 18 I became involved with some undesirable people and I followed a path of destruction up until my 22nd birthday. By that time I was married and living a life that I never planned on having. Yes, there was some self-destruction through-out the years leading from then to now, but for the most part I have grown into what I consider "me." The ironic part is that I have become the person I was back when I was 16 and 17 ... Just a bit more mature and with a stronger sense of what I want and who I want to be. With my 26th birthday in sight, I can see that it only took me 10 years to get back to the person I was meant to become.

On my path to self-awareness I collected a few new friends. Most of them are haunts from my past. Friendly ghosts if you will. Reconnecting with these people has made me wonder how I ever lived without them. Yet, when we talk, it is as if no time has gone by at all. As though I did not live without them. They were always in my heart and mind which is what made the reunions so sweet. I value my friendships more than I had ever though possible. I remember my parent's telling me that I would only have 2 or 3 close friends (if I was lucky) and the rest would merely become acquaintances. I think they are wrong. Friendships can not be defined in such limited terms.

I do not know where I will be in the next 10, 20, or 30 years, but I do know that I will continue to grow as a person and that the people in my life will remain constant reminders of the person I am striving to be. These people make me who I am, if only for their company and soothing words. We can not stop the change. It is all a part of evolution. Our bodies change, our minds change and sometimes our hearts change. We can not stop the change, but we can determine how we are going to let that change affect ourselves and the people in our lives.

A note before bed

2005-07-31T03:30:00.000-04:00

I just finished watching "L.A. Story" and it was fabulous. Before I head off to sleep, I want to share something that Steve Martin said at the end of the movie:

"A kiss may not be true, but it is what we wish to be true."

That feeling

2005-07-30T16:05:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been thinking about emotions. A friend of mine has told me that many of the relationships he has been in may have fallen apart due to his inadequancy in displaying emotion. What are emotions and what do they mean. Can we equate emotions to feelings? And if you can, does the inability to show someone your emotions mean that you have no real feelings for them? I often wonder about my ability to display my feelings for my friends and loved ones. In many ways I feel as though I wear my heart on my sleeve; Although, there are times when I feel reserved and shut-down. Perhaps these feelings are what keep me from living my life in totality. Or do I show my emotions so much that it makes people back-off?

Our emotions can be shown through so many different means. A kiss, a touch of the hand or pat on the back, even our words can convey how we feel about people. Recently I have found myself in the position of not knowing exactly how I feel and that leaves me feeling hollow inside. In a sense, I can equate my feelings with my life in California. See, California is a sunny and rich place to live and most people who move out here never want to leave. For me, I enjoy being in California and I hope to learn from my experience here, but I could never stay. This is not where my heart is. Some would say that this little analogy shows exactly how I feel. One very important element is missing though: California has no feeling towards me. It can't. Life may be easier if we could all make decisions based on inanimate objects (or whole states), but it's not. In fact, I feel less sure now than I did before I began. Other people think that my lack of passion is because of my feelings towards California. To me, that statement is a cop-out. It's easy to say that because you are not happy with your physical location, you will not be happy with the rest of the pie. I don't think that's true. I honestly think that as long as you are satisfied with your life, you can deal with your geographic location.

I believe that our emotions are what makes us who we are. I came from a very emotional family. We always tell each other how we feel and why (if we can draw a reasonable conclusion). Living life without being able to display your feelings must be very lonely. Even now, with all of my feelings left out in the open, I tend to lend my mind to the desolate side of my heart. I can not imagine what it would be like to bottle all of those feelings up and never let them out. I often find myself wondering exactly how people feel about me. If I can't read their emotions or if they do not show any emotions, I can't decipher where the relationship stands. For me, that is a deal breaker for friendships and romantic relationships. I need to know where the two of us stand at all times. This has led to the demise of many relationships for me. So where is the balance? Will there always be a struggle between the sexes over proper displays of emotion? Or can we find a reasonable means of composing a way to display our affections without crossing any prearranged boundaries. Although I do not believe in over-the-top showing of affection, I do think that we all need a little bit of security with our emotions and a little less solitude. Because in the end, all we have is each other.

Travel

2005-07-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

Stuck on a plane. Every effing time I travel. This has got to stop. Right now I am in Birmingham and we can not get off of the plane because we do not have a terminal. Our flight was headed to Atlanta, but had to re-route due to thunderstorms. So now we are here. I haven't eaten and the longer we are stuck here, the less likely I am to get a good meal. To top it all off, I am sitting next to the loudest woman to ever leave the West Coast. Apparently, she has replaced her lungs with a bull horn. Her kids are utterly annoying and they are everywhere - In front of me, behind me and beside me. This woman should NEVER have been allowed to reproduce.

When will this plane get off the ground?
Argghh! MUST GET FOOD!

Stuck in an airport. Atlanta is a fun city, the airport in Atlanta is hell. The people watching has gotten old and now all I want is to get on my way. It's amazing how weird people look when they are in a hurry. Honestly, being in a crowded airport should count as participation in a blood sport. These tourists take NO prisoners. I often wonder if traffic in an area, like the airport, could be controlled by using the same traffic signals and lines that city streets use. Yes, people turn into warriors when they enter an airport, theme park or mall. If people flew more often the obesity epidemic could become obsolete (just as long as you don't give them time to stop and snack between flights). Beep, beep, beep. Those carts are driving me nuts. Unless you are disabled you should not be allowed to get on one. An old woman with a busted hip could out walk one of those things.

Finally, my flight has taken off and landed. I'm only 3 hours late ... and so begins the vacation.

(This is an entry in my mini journal from the day I left for Maryland 7/19/2005)

The Maryland Experience

2005-07-26T11:01:00.000-04:00

I just returned home from my trip to Maryland. I have so much to say, yet at the moment I have no time to say it in. To appease you, I am going to post my pictures ...

Seeing my Nana in Virginia ...

My Aunt Teri and I.

Stefi, Lindsey and I.

Frank, Stefi, Lindsey, Teri and I.

Arial (I'm not sure if that's how they spell it) my new friend.

The cutest kid I've ever seen! My cousin Lindsey.

Capoeira at ArtFest in Baltimore.

My friend John and I saying hi and goodbye ;)

There weren't a lot of photo opportunities so I had to make them up as I went along ... and that concludes the photo session of this blog. More blogging to come later ...

A note before flying

2005-07-18T22:21:00.000-04:00

Leaving on vacation has its ups and downs. The ups are obvious. As for the downs, to start, packing is a pain in the ass. What do I bring? Where am I going while I'm there? Will I need "fancy" clothes? Ugggh! It's the same story every single time I leave to go somewhere. I never know what to bring and I am always afraid of forgetting something. To top it all off, I know pictures will be involved and I don't want to show up on my Nana's wall looking like an idiot. I wish packing your clothes was as easy as packing your bathroom necessities. Alas, as a woman I am forever doomed to a life full of icky packing decisions.

Today I felt like crap. Yes, all day. To make myself feel better I sat around and did nothing. Not a damn thing. It's amazing how good it can feel to sit on your ass for a day straight with no impending work or chores (I never consider packing to be a chore until the last minute). Bad TV can sometimes be a glorious thing as well. I now know how some celebs become so completely out of it. They must watch E! TV 24-7. It is the most ridiculous station, but I couldn't help but to be amused by the countdown of embarrassing star moments. No, it's not quite Dallas, but it's effing hilarious!

This evening has been full of the same. I'm preparing myself for my 4 a.m. wake-up. I've given up coffee in the a.m. because it makes my stomach feel like imploding. I'm going to have to survive tomorrow on my allowance of 2 caffeinated beverages a day. To top it all off, I'll be stuck in the Atlanta Airport for 3 hours and 45 minutes. What the hell do you do in the Atlanta Airport for almost 4 hours? I have a hard time amusing myself for 2 hours? I better make sure my I-pod is fully charged and ready for action.

All in all I am really looking forward to this trip. Hopefully I will get to tour some of the museums in DC and do some light shopping at one of the Mills Malls. I haven't seen my Aunt, Nana or my friend John for over 4 years, so it is a much needed visit. In order to make that visit, I must pack so TTFN!

Climb

2005-07-14T23:50:00.000-04:00

The past few days have been filled with disappointment and joy. These two mixed feelings only lead to crazy thoughts and sleepless nights. I have been disappointed with my inability to do this diet. No, I am not in need of a major weight loss over-haul. I just want to lose a few pounds. Call it vanity if you will. I often speak of not being influenced by the world around us, but I often find myself swimming in a pool of insecurity.

Needless to say, the South Beach Diet has not been a success. I skipped part one, which cuts out all carbs. Leaving out these essential nutrients made me feel light-headed and my energy levels were at an all time low. I had never felt so badly in the morning (not even after a night of binge drinking). I added back in my carbs. A whole wheat cereal in the morning and a whole wheat sandwich at lunch. No extra sugar, no enriched flour just whole grain wheat. I've slowly begun putting back on the three pounds I lost even with 30 minutes of cardio everyday. I'm hoping this is just a temporary setback.

Yesterday Phil, Zoe & I took a trip out to Lake Berryessa. As we hiked down to our favorite spot we noticed there was at least one person down there already. Once we reached the beach we saw that there were 3 teenagers and a very large lab in our spot. They looked at us, we looked at them and then decided to hike out to another beach for some privacy. This is where it gets interesting. To get down to the other beach, we had to go backwards down a rope. The path was very steep, in fact, it was almost straight up and down. When we reached the bottom we set up our chairs and unleashed Zoe. She immediately dove in the water. That's when we saw it. One of the teenage boys swimming over to our beach. He noticed a rope swing and wanted to play on it. He floated under the rope trying to figure out a way to get on. He started to climb it like a mentally challenged monkey. Then he climbed the tree and tried to reach it with no avail. For his finale, he attempted to tie two branches together to make one long branch. No, it didn't work, but it did make me giggle. Refusing to give up, he calls his friend over. The friend quickly throws him the rope and he is off over the lake. Every time they went up the tree they climbed higher and higher in the hopes of doing something even dumber than the time before. After a half an hour of this, they called over the last remaining members of their group. Yes, we had encountered the rudest people on the lake. So we decided it was time to reclaim our spot.

The path we took down was not an option at this point. We couldn't make it with the chairs and dog in tow. There was only one way back up and it wasn't pretty. Zoe went first. Phil and I had to work with 2 chairs and a backpack. He went next. I trailed behind. The only way I could make it up this path was on all fours (not something I enjoy). I dug my hands into the loose rock and dirt to make it up. I had to occasionally throw the chair upwards only for it to slide back down on me. We made it halfway and the dog stopped and turned around as if to say, "You're fucking nuts if you think I'm going any further." Phil lost control of his chair and both he and the chair came flying down at me. He caught himself right before his shoe made contact with my face. He decided the only way we could make it was if Zoe was leashed at the top. So he left his chair and pushed her the rest of the way up and tied her to a tree. It was when he came back for me that things went even worse. As he climbed back down he lost his footing and slid past me taking the chair with him. I was petrified. The only thought in my mind was us both falling back, breaking our necks and not even having the dog to go get help (yah, too many episodes of Lassie). I did what any reasonable person would do. I climbed my ass up that hillside. Phil followed suit. Then he lost his gripping again! He slid down on his belly and quickly flipped over to his back. If there had been some water and a life guard you would have thought it was Wet N' Wild. I called out his name. No answer. Again. No answer. Finally, on the third try he responded with a gruff, "I'm fine." Once we both made it to the top we did quick inspections. Nothing broken. Lots of cuts (my hands looked like I had been playing with broken glass) and lots of splinters.

We made it to our spot. I wanted to kill the three kids. Why couldn't they have told us they were going to the other beach? A simple, "Hey we're going to the other beach if you want to stay here," would have sufficed. I guess it's Murphy's Law. You can't take a Monday and a Wednesday off to go to the lake in one week. Effing Murphy and his stupid law.

I'm excited because I am leaving for Maryland this coming Tuesday. A few days with my aunt and some other relatives and then a few days with my friend John. It'll be a party and a half. My aunt just told me that she hasn't even told my grandmother that I'm coming yet. Best get on that! The only downside to this is not looking the way I would like. I know that I am not going to turn into Sarah Jessica Parker overnight. It's just difficult getting there.

Being comfortable with yourself is so important. I know so many people who aren't. It can be extremely painful to look at yourself in the mirror when you can't enjoy the skin you're in. Vacationing often halts weight loss and exercise. This is an obstacle I have to overcome. I'm leaving for another trip in August and again, I want to be as fit as I can when I get there. Hopefully, I will find the support I need within myself and not from another fad diet.

On the beach ...

2005-07-07T01:10:00.000-04:00

There aren't many relevant things happening in my life right now. Actually, all I've been doing all day is preparing myself and Phil for the South Beach Diet (which I started today). I had no idea how many products have trans fat and unnecessary sugars in them. Now that I had the big clean-out of my refrigerator and pantry plus the extra money spent on books etc. there is no turning back. My stomach isn't happy about it at all. Not one iota.

Actually, my wallet is a bit pissed off as well (not to mention a whole lot lighter). No wonder there is an obesity epidemic. Healthy food cost so much more money than the not so healthy alternative. Somehow, vegetables, meat, cheese and spices have made their way up to the grocers elite aisle. It's amazing how the very things which we need to survive are priced beyond the reach of many individuals.

For people who eat organic the costs only sky-rocket further. Yes, those who eat and drink products that are not chemically altered, sprayed with pesticide, or given hormones must pay more to have these "additives" removed.

In any event, I will be tracking my progress and frustrations here for the next few weeks. Unless it becomes extremely boring.

Oh, and I have noticed that my counter number has reached over 100! Woohoo! I even have at least one more reader. It's sooooo exciting!

The Feeling

2005-07-06T18:33:00.000-04:00

Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is going to happen or has happened already and you just don't know about it. I have that feeling right now and I am not sure why. It frightens me for many reasons. One is that Phil is flying home from Japan today, but will not arrive until tomorrow. That worries me for all of the obvious reasons. I told him to "fly safe" 3 times this afternoon as if he didn't already know to do that. Another is the impending hurricane on the East Coast. My family finally purchased and installed their generator, but you never know what will happen. Then there are other things, the warning page that showed up after I had paid for the South Beach Diet On-line that said it (being all of my information including my credit card) was being sent over an un-secure site. Um Hello!

Am I worrying for no reason what-so-ever. Well, one can hope. What if something does happen? Should I start up my own psychic hot-line? What do these feelings mean?

BFF

2005-07-05T22:15:00.000-04:00

Friends. These people are always on my mind. Some thoughts are good, others bad and many more are in between. It's often difficult to manage friendships, especially when they are of the long distance variety. You often miss a large chunk of peoples lives and in many cases you find yourself permanently "out of the loop." The absolute worst kind of long distance relationship is not the long distance lover, but the long distance best friend. After enough time and distance you often find that your title of "best friend" has been revoked and given to another closer (in proximity) contestant. Friendships seem harder to maintain than a boyfriend or girlfriend. In the same token, friends can be dumped just as easily as a lovers. Where did all of the friendships go?

Recently, I started making connections with old friends of mine whose ties were broken in one way or another. I started down the path of friendship renewal because of a class I took this past Fall. The class was American Culture in Communications. To be honest, the class was much different than I thought it would be. At first I hated it. I did not want to change the person I had become. What kind of person was that? A product of the media. I had very little characteristics of my own that were not sent to me through some medium. So I changed the way I absorbed the media. Some material wants still linger in me. I'm not sure that I could ever give up my love of Manolo's or Prada's, but I can at least know why I am picking that shoe, that toothpaste, or that cereal.

Being a product of the media, I also wanted my friendships and loves to be identical to that which I saw daily on my favorite TV shows. In reality there is no Mr. Big, there is no Ed, and there is no Will & Grace. It is so hard to let these things go because we see these as being perfection and we want all of our real relationships to mirror these fake ones. In an effort to correct myself I reached out to friends of my past and not those of the future for one reason. I love every single one of those people and I feel like an idiot for not living in those moments for their imperfections.

So where did those friendships go? No where. They didn't disappear at all. Some people were harder to talk to than others, but for the most part it was as though we had never lost touch. It was so refreshing to see that those friendships could withstand the tests of time and distance. What is sad is that it is still hard for me to connect to some of those who I never lost touch with in the first place.

Where do we all go from here? It's hard to say. Perhaps we all need a class in interpersonal communication. Or maybe, we need to just sit down and take the time to evaluate what is important to our lives because at the end of the day we all need each other.

"It's been so hard to get it right. It seems like. The moment I catch up. The farther you fly."
-Liz Phair

Mr. E

2005-06-29T18:37:00.000-04:00

Mystery. A subject that I can not escape. A friend of mine recently talked to me about mystery and it got me thinking. What is so great about mystery? When I think of mystery I think of mystery meat (you know, the unnamed substance in cafeteria food). Other people think of that mysterious woman, novels and movies. Another friend of mine used mystery to her advantage. I always remember her telling me that the only way to get a guy is to be mysterious. That approach never really worked for me. Partially because I talk way too much. I can never hold my feelings back, part of being a Leo I presume.

So here are my thoughts on the subject. A person is only mysterious when you don't know them. As we all know, the best part of a mystery is solving it. To solve the mystery of a person all you would be required to do is to get to know them or google them (which ever works best I suppose). There you go, mystery solved. If what you prefer is mystery then you can never have something substantial. And when it comes to relationships, you can (excuse the language please) fuck mystery but you can't make love to it. You can talk to mystery but you can't communicate with it. You can touch mystery but you can't hold it.

I am a huge fan of the TV show ED. TBS plays re-runs of the show at 9 a.m. At this point a new character has been introduced. Dennis Martino is the new principal at Stuckyville High. No one in the town knows anything about this new mysterious person. Dennis is rude to all of the teachers including Carol Vessey (one of the main characters). Ed (the main character ... obviously) spends an entire episode trying to be mysterious like Dennis (he fails miserably). Carol, insists on revealing the true Dennis Martino. In fact, she becomes obsessed with it. So what does she do? She makes out with him, starts a relationship with him, and uncovers the mystery of him. She does all of this only to find that the man behind the mystery is not as intriguing as the mystery itself. Why? Because Dennis really wasn't mysterious at all. He was a man hiding his past and delaying his future. The point? Well, anyone can be mysterious if they really want to. All you have to do is stop being yourself. Where's the fun in that?

The Cookie

2005-06-29T00:21:00.000-04:00

Why is it that whenever you decide to place yourself on a "health" diet you crave things you wouldn't necessarily eat on an average day? For months I have been eating what I consider to be normal meals. To lose a little extra weight I decided to cut some of the carbs out of my diet (chips, crackers, chocolate, etc.). Now that is all I can think about. I actually skipped out on half of my dinner just to eat chocolate chip cookies.

Am I really that weak? I know that it is all in my head, yet, I still can't control the urge. I've come to a resolution. Throw the damn things away. If they aren't around then I won't eat them. Right? So perhaps that solves the cookie problem. Then there are the other carbs. Everything I love has carbs. Even though I am not a vegetarian, I do have a problem eating most meat after reading some choice books (Diet for a New America and Fastfood Nation) I enjoy eating bread, vegetables and some fruits ... all of which contain carbs. The point being, what do you replace your carbs with? To start I would replace chips with fruit ... I miss out on the fat but there is still the lingering problem of carbs and calories. Not every snack can consist of nuts! (The kind you eat ... not the other.)

So what does that leave me with? Salads for the rest of my life? Carbs are a natural substance which the human body craves to make energy. I work out at least 3 times a week plus I strength train. Without my carbs I would be a walking mass of anger. Even though celebs such as Jennifer Aniston claim that diets like The Zone are a way of life, I can't find way to make them work. Most are too complicated and require measuring ounces of food. You must have x ounces of protein in this meal. Don't go over x ounces of carbs in that meal. Who has the time?

Until I can figure it out ... anyone have milk?

Done.

2005-06-28T23:12:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was exhasting and that's putting it lightly. For those of you who don't know, Phil is a HUGE Nascar fan. Since I work for a newspaper I was able to snag some garage passes for the entire weekend (consisting of Friday thru Sunday).

Those of you who know me (and you should if you're reading this blog) already know that I am not a big sports person in general. I do share a love of fast cars, but primarily those that I can purchase. Okay, I can't lie. I do hold a little bit of excitement for the sport and yes, I do have a favorite driver (Driver of the #9 Dodge – Kasey Kahne). However, an entire weekend dedicated to 4 a.m. wake-up calls and long days in the sun is not in my enjoyment DNA.

The upside ... I was able to meet and have my picture taken with Kasey.
Isn't he cute ;)

I was also able to meet the Grand Marshall for the event. None other than Larry the Cable Guy.

Get 'er done!
By this point my make-up evaporated off of my face and my hair took on a life of its very own.

No actual journalism took place here. Although we did enjoy the free food and drinks.

The San Francisco Treat

2005-06-27T18:42:00.000-04:00

Ah, finally another blog post. I know it has been a while. Hopefully I will get some comments this time around!!!

Well, lets try to put a week into a blog. To start, my Uncle Tim (and a cousin I had never met before) suprised me with a visit this past Wednesday (June 22). He was staying in San Francisco so I ventured down there to help him with his site-seeing. Unfortunately, Alcatraz was sold out so we had to wing our day. Denny (my cousin) seemed to be down for anything and so was Tim. We started with the Aquarium of the Bay. This particular aquarium gets its acclaim (if an aquarium can get acclaim) from being under the bay, offering its guests a true view of the San Francisco Bay. Alas, there was no view of the true Bay. No bodies afloat here, just your average aquarium ... that costs $13.00 per person to enter. Yes, I am sorry to say that if you would like the ultimate experience of the Bay you will have to jump in yourself. No admission required.

Dennis still managed to have fun ...

Onward through our day. From there we took the MUNI to downtown San Fran and walked down Market Street. Then off to the orignial cable cars! We stood in line for what seemed like hours to ride the original cars of our past. Dennis managed to get an outside standing position while Tim and I were forced to stand on the inside of this extremely small contraption. The ride was semi pleasant until the car started uphill. (For those of you who have never travelled to this fair city, the hills are a bitch to ride or walk up, especially if you are holding on for dear life.) Half way through our 3 dollar ride across town, the car broke so we decided to get out and walk since the rest of the trip was down hill. Luckily, it stopped right in front of Lombard St.! So we took a walk down the world's most crooked st. Something I thought I would never get a chance to do (parking is horrible in that area).

Lombard in all of its glory.

We walked all the way back to Fisherman's Wharf from there only to receive a $30 parking fee (for 5 hours of parking!).

Me, Tim and Dennis with Alcatraz in the background.

The best part of the day was going to see the Golden Gate Bridge. All of the buidings in San Francisco are remarkable, but the Golden Gate bridge is an architectual masterpiece. We started at the bottom and actually walked up to the bridge ...

Dennis and I in front of a tunnel leading to the bridge. Look I'm actually taller than the opening!!!

Taken from the bottom of the trail up to the bridge.

The walk was long and hard but worth it!
All in all the day was great. Spending time with my Uncle and Dennis was really great for me. I do not get to see my extended family often and this was a step in the right direction (as far as keeping in touch, etc.). I'm glad to have met Dennis. He is a wonderful kid ... I'm still not sure exactly how we are related but we are cousins to some degree.

The downside to this excursion: After our day, I dropped the two off at their hotel in Japantown so they could get in their rental car and get off to the airport to catch their flight to Australia. While we were sight-seeing, someone broke into their vehicle and stole $4,000 worth of electronics.

The reason I am telling you this: The hotel knew it had a problem with people breaking into rental cars and no one told them about this before they packed their things into the car. Someone from the front desk could have warned them, but no one did. Their things were packed neatly and were not left in the open. Their car was also only 4 spots away from Security. So please, if you do travel and need to leave your things in a safe spot while out and about (and you had to check out that day) a reasonable hotel will keep your belongings behind the front desk for safe keeping. (Once your belongings enter a parking garage or parking lot, the hotel waives all responsibility.) This way, if something does happen, you can hold someone accountable!

That's it for now ... I'll finish the week up a little later ;)

A ... By any other name

2005-06-10T23:43:00.000-04:00

So, I work at a small newspaper. I have an assistant named Linda, who hates me. There are a few reasons she hates me:

1. I'm her boss and 25.
2. She's 50.
3. I'm her boss and 25.

Today at work, I received a phone call from one of our advertisers whom I have worked with for almost 3 years. I answered the extention as usual "Hello, this is Laura how can I help you?" The advertiser (who shall remain nameless) quickly told me who she was and what she wanted. I helped her with her advertisement and as we were hanging up she said, "Thank you Linda." Then she hung up.

Thank you Linda??? What the? Linda? Um, hello! My name is Laura! Remember me, the person who designs your ads and makes sure that they are properly placed within the paper every f-ing week. The person who made sure that you stopped flashing your "how are you doing" at every person at the last big Chamber event (she was a little drunk). Uhhhh!

The beginning

2005-06-10T01:05:00.000-04:00

I've begun posting blogs here mainly due to my friend Alyson ... but Myspace's lack of cooperation was also a big player in the move to this site. I'm not feeling very bloggy tonight, but I can not figure out how to update my profile ... I think the first blog is required, you know, like an initiation (without the alcohol and nude olympics). In any event, I just returned from Florida and was immediately thrown into work. Since I've come home I found out that my Amanda is leaving the great (I am being sarcastic, I promise ... not about her leaving mind you, just the word "great") state of California for the sunny (yah, again) state of Florida. I will miss having her so close!!! We only took advantage of it twice! *A note on sunny Florida. I grew up there. Lived in some small town in Florida for 21 years. You would think that I would be prepared for it to rain almost the entire time I was there. I wasn't. The worst part, I wanted to see a good thunderstorm. I haven't gotten one of those since we lived in Oklahoma (almost 3 years now). It made me sad.

Back on to news worthy topics. My friend Travis is getting married in a week. I am praying for him. That's all I'm saying about that. Mikey is getting his life back together and I have never been more proud of him. He's been through a lot and I think he is handling himself very well. It was great to see Mike, Alyson and Tom. As I've gotten older, I have learned a lot about friendship. I wish I had held on to all of my friendships a little tighter back in the days of MCHS. I guess that learning the "hard way" sometimes may be the only way. I won't let another 7 years (almost 8) come between us again. At least I won't if you won't.

Me, Mikey and Alyson

Mikey, Me, Alyson, Tom and Jennifer out to eat. Did someone say creamy?

Alright, I am completely blogged out. Until next time!